paulsez » This week’s best seller
OMG...so so so funny. I mean, my-ribs-are-sore funny.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
It's a context thing
A few days back Adele Haze offered a bit more insight regarding my annoyance when total strangers tell me I need to be spanked. She pointed out that just because a women writes about sex doesn't mean she's asking to be treated crudely. And basically, if you're an ass to a woman, you're less likely to spank her ass.
However she also made a point that I've been pondering too, namely, that men say a lot of bizarre and obnoxious stuff, with statements regarding my need for a spanking being fairly tame. And it's true. I had a guy a few weeks back who sent me an email saying that he likes to read my blog and jack off. My reaction was sorta okay...eww...
I think most people would agree he was being crude and generally most guys are not only not that openly vulgar to women but have a certain level of disdain for men who are. Yet my experience among spanko males is that many don't have the same level of discomfort in being so forward regarding telling a woman with whom they have no relationship that she needs to be spanked. And it's a lack of general disapproval of such indiscretion that bothers me.
But that's still not quite it exactly. There's something else I just couldn't put my finger on.
So I kept thinking.
Then I realized that there's a part of me that really hates that I like this whole spanking thing. She sort of puts up with it because she's convinced herself -- and not without merit -- that this is an act of radical sexual expression and liberation. Which, of course, it is. But something happens at that moment a guy I don't know (and some who I do know) says to me "you need to be spanked" in which the Appalled Feminist and the Cheeky Brat come together in perfect harmony, with the Cheeky Brat thinking nuh uh and the Appalled Feminist thinking fuck off, dickhead.
And it all comes down to context.
When A. tells me I need to be spanked, it's totally erotic. But that's because there's already established chemistry there.
When spanko friends say it to me, there's generally already an established relationship of mutual respect in which I know they have regard for me in my totality -- beyond being just some brat who needs to be taken in hand. It's playful. It's safe.
When someone who doesn't have regard for me in my totality says it, my Appalled Feminist and Cheeky Brat come together to protect me. And they are all the more vigilant because that boundary gets crossed far more often by Mr. Dimwit Spanko than by Mr. Wanker.
However she also made a point that I've been pondering too, namely, that men say a lot of bizarre and obnoxious stuff, with statements regarding my need for a spanking being fairly tame. And it's true. I had a guy a few weeks back who sent me an email saying that he likes to read my blog and jack off. My reaction was sorta okay...eww...
I think most people would agree he was being crude and generally most guys are not only not that openly vulgar to women but have a certain level of disdain for men who are. Yet my experience among spanko males is that many don't have the same level of discomfort in being so forward regarding telling a woman with whom they have no relationship that she needs to be spanked. And it's a lack of general disapproval of such indiscretion that bothers me.
But that's still not quite it exactly. There's something else I just couldn't put my finger on.
So I kept thinking.
Then I realized that there's a part of me that really hates that I like this whole spanking thing. She sort of puts up with it because she's convinced herself -- and not without merit -- that this is an act of radical sexual expression and liberation. Which, of course, it is. But something happens at that moment a guy I don't know (and some who I do know) says to me "you need to be spanked" in which the Appalled Feminist and the Cheeky Brat come together in perfect harmony, with the Cheeky Brat thinking nuh uh and the Appalled Feminist thinking fuck off, dickhead.
And it all comes down to context.
When A. tells me I need to be spanked, it's totally erotic. But that's because there's already established chemistry there.
When spanko friends say it to me, there's generally already an established relationship of mutual respect in which I know they have regard for me in my totality -- beyond being just some brat who needs to be taken in hand. It's playful. It's safe.
When someone who doesn't have regard for me in my totality says it, my Appalled Feminist and Cheeky Brat come together to protect me. And they are all the more vigilant because that boundary gets crossed far more often by Mr. Dimwit Spanko than by Mr. Wanker.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
The List
A long time ago I promised to post a list of all the things I've been spanked with. Here they are in the order I remembered them in (i.e. mostly random). There are links to some moments in which these implements have been used, or in one case to what it looks like as it was used on me before I was blogging. The ones with no link are also ante-blogging.
Hand
Belt
Paddle
Electrical Cord
Wooden Spoon
Spatula
Cutting Board
Leek
Scrap Strap
Razor Strop
Sjambok
Dog lead/leash
Riding Crop
Cane
Punishment Stick
Switch
Fly Swatter (both ends -- the wire end gave me welts!)
Remote Control
Complete Works of Shakespeare Vol. 2: Histories (quite thudy)
Hairbrush
Clothesbrush (I think that's actually what we've been using whenever
bathbrush is mentioned)
Bathbrush (way before I was blogging)
Ruler
Slipper (Men's from Marks and Spencer -- can't find a pic at their site. )
Shoe (what the Brits refer to as a "slipper" and something A. got five times when he was a cheeky lad in primary school)
Sandal
Coat Hanger
Yeah, I think that's about it...
Hand
Belt
Paddle
Electrical Cord
Wooden Spoon
Spatula
Plastic
- Rubber
- Metal
Cutting Board
Leek
Scrap Strap
Razor Strop
Sjambok
Dog lead/leash
Riding Crop
Cane
- Rattan
- Bamboo
Punishment Stick
Switch
Fly Swatter (both ends -- the wire end gave me welts!)
Remote Control
Complete Works of Shakespeare Vol. 2: Histories (quite thudy)
Hairbrush
Clothesbrush (I think that's actually what we've been using whenever
bathbrush is mentioned)
Bathbrush (way before I was blogging)
Ruler
Slipper (Men's from Marks and Spencer -- can't find a pic at their site. )
Shoe (what the Brits refer to as a "slipper" and something A. got five times when he was a cheeky lad in primary school)
Sandal
Coat Hanger
Yeah, I think that's about it...
Thursday, May 18, 2006
If you ever have to write lines...
Check this out.
Scroll down and you can have it generate your lines too.
Appropriately enough, I learned about this from a bloggy-friend who is a nun (and who probably wouldn't appreciate a link from here lol). Though she was writing lines cause she was naughty (hadn't graded papers).
Monday, May 15, 2006
Garden cane memories
This post of Abel's over at The Spanking Writers brought back a happy, painful memory.
Abel writes about clearing out a window-sill garden and before throwing out a deceased orchid, noticing it had been propped up by "a rather nice cane." And as you might imagine, the business end of that cane finds its way to Haron's backside.
I got a bamboo garden cane "just because I was there" too. We were housesitting for A.'s brother and he found it in the back garden. And like he does whenever he finds something he can pervert, he immediately had to try it on me. Though since the back garden is rather public to the adjoining terraces, it was with my trousers up. (At least I think they were. I have a vague memory of complaining that "people will see" but I don't remember if it was one of those moments where I was feeling particularly brave.)
Later that night when I had been really bratty (you're shocked now, I'm sure) he used it on my bare backside. Ouch indeed.
Though I still think rattan is more ouchie. It's definitely more stingy. A local friend of mine used a thicker bamboo cane on me later and broke the thing on me after a good 70 strokes. I mean, it did hurt, just not with the intensity that I've now come to associate with a whippy rattan cane.
Abel writes about clearing out a window-sill garden and before throwing out a deceased orchid, noticing it had been propped up by "a rather nice cane." And as you might imagine, the business end of that cane finds its way to Haron's backside.
I got a bamboo garden cane "just because I was there" too. We were housesitting for A.'s brother and he found it in the back garden. And like he does whenever he finds something he can pervert, he immediately had to try it on me. Though since the back garden is rather public to the adjoining terraces, it was with my trousers up. (At least I think they were. I have a vague memory of complaining that "people will see" but I don't remember if it was one of those moments where I was feeling particularly brave.)
Later that night when I had been really bratty (you're shocked now, I'm sure) he used it on my bare backside. Ouch indeed.
Though I still think rattan is more ouchie. It's definitely more stingy. A local friend of mine used a thicker bamboo cane on me later and broke the thing on me after a good 70 strokes. I mean, it did hurt, just not with the intensity that I've now come to associate with a whippy rattan cane.
Friday, May 12, 2006
"You need a spanking"
Optimism is such a wonderful thing.
I mean, consider the cool confidence of the fellow who left me an offline message on Yahoo messenger the other day that went something like, "Hi/ I saw your blog/ You do need a spanking."
Blind to the fact that as a total stranger, that's not really his call. Completely oblivious that he's flirting with someone else's girlfriend. He just leaves his witty, remarkably original message believing that I'll be so overwhelmed by his charm I'll reply back.
Okay, yes, I did mention in the last post that I'm in my insatiable pain slut mood, so I'll grant him that physiologically I'm desperate for a good caning.
He's not the first total stranger in my spanko life who's told me I need a spanking. But I gotta say, it's such a total turn off for me. I don't think A. ever said that to me until three or four months into our online relationship. And then it was in a specific context. And even then there was still a teeny tiny part of me that resented it.
Needless to say, when a total stranger says that to me, I really resent it.
I know that for some women it's really hot. And that's totally cool.
But for me, it's like I have to be able to consider you some sort of equal before you can comfortably utter those words to me. And if the first words out of your mouth are those words, then you have clearly demonstrated that you're not.
I mean, consider the cool confidence of the fellow who left me an offline message on Yahoo messenger the other day that went something like, "Hi/ I saw your blog/ You do need a spanking."
Blind to the fact that as a total stranger, that's not really his call. Completely oblivious that he's flirting with someone else's girlfriend. He just leaves his witty, remarkably original message believing that I'll be so overwhelmed by his charm I'll reply back.
Okay, yes, I did mention in the last post that I'm in my insatiable pain slut mood, so I'll grant him that physiologically I'm desperate for a good caning.
He's not the first total stranger in my spanko life who's told me I need a spanking. But I gotta say, it's such a total turn off for me. I don't think A. ever said that to me until three or four months into our online relationship. And then it was in a specific context. And even then there was still a teeny tiny part of me that resented it.
Needless to say, when a total stranger says that to me, I really resent it.
I know that for some women it's really hot. And that's totally cool.
But for me, it's like I have to be able to consider you some sort of equal before you can comfortably utter those words to me. And if the first words out of your mouth are those words, then you have clearly demonstrated that you're not.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Deja-vu
Twenty seven days until A. gets here, and I'm in my insatiable pain slut mood. Sorta like last November. Except then, of course, this happened.
My health is still precarious enough that it could happen again. In fact, I'm actually far more tired than I was last November (still spending most days in bed). So I'm trying not to get my hopes up like last time.
One thing is hopeful though. My pelvic pain is at its lowest level in a long, long time -- which is probably why my insatiable pain slut mood has kicked in. And what has been an instrumental part of that reduction of pain? Why, my vibrator of course.
Seriously. The gynecologist recommended it years ago when I was still a good Catholic girl. I was embarrassed to even think about a vibrator then. Now, of course, I own one. And when the uro-gynecologist suggested intravaginal stimulation to help relax the muscles that have been tensed up from two years of persistent urinary tract infections, it occurred to me that my vibrator might just do the trick. When I told my massage therapist about it, she got very serious and said that was a very good idea.
So, you know, just following doctor's orders.
My ass, however, is slightly sore. Before using my vibrator last night, I decided to test out our oak paddle on myself (self-spanking is a little secret of all long-distance relationships). By gawd if I didn't manage to bruise myself.
Cool.
My health is still precarious enough that it could happen again. In fact, I'm actually far more tired than I was last November (still spending most days in bed). So I'm trying not to get my hopes up like last time.
One thing is hopeful though. My pelvic pain is at its lowest level in a long, long time -- which is probably why my insatiable pain slut mood has kicked in. And what has been an instrumental part of that reduction of pain? Why, my vibrator of course.
Seriously. The gynecologist recommended it years ago when I was still a good Catholic girl. I was embarrassed to even think about a vibrator then. Now, of course, I own one. And when the uro-gynecologist suggested intravaginal stimulation to help relax the muscles that have been tensed up from two years of persistent urinary tract infections, it occurred to me that my vibrator might just do the trick. When I told my massage therapist about it, she got very serious and said that was a very good idea.
So, you know, just following doctor's orders.
My ass, however, is slightly sore. Before using my vibrator last night, I decided to test out our oak paddle on myself (self-spanking is a little secret of all long-distance relationships). By gawd if I didn't manage to bruise myself.
Cool.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Monday, May 08, 2006
No misspelled good deed will go unpunished
Well, it will be a month yet before I get punished for it but -- oh the horror! -- I misspelled "birthday" on the naughty birthday card I sent A. today. And he used to edit newspaper copy!
Eeek!
This is going to be bad.
Especially now that he's 40. And old and crochety.
Well, actually, he's always been crochety.
And he's a very crochety editor.
Which leaves me a bit weak in the knees, really -- in more ways than one. :)
Eeek!
This is going to be bad.
Especially now that he's 40. And old and crochety.
Well, actually, he's always been crochety.
And he's a very crochety editor.
Which leaves me a bit weak in the knees, really -- in more ways than one. :)
A little tidying up
You'll notice a few changes to the left. An updated profile. A couple of new links. Re-arranged headings. And a list of the stories I've posted over the year and half or so of this blog (most of which I first posted to the soc.sexuality.spanking newsgroup a few years earlier).
Hope that adds to your viewing pleasure. :)
Hope that adds to your viewing pleasure. :)
Sunday, May 07, 2006
"Someone is hitting my butt with something!"
A little quote from the Simpsons:
"Help! Someone is hitting my butt with something! It's a frying pan!"
Ah...so been there, done that.
"Help! Someone is hitting my butt with something! It's a frying pan!"
Ah...so been there, done that.
Sexual submission
We've been having a thread over at soc.sexuality.spanking newsgroup about sexual submission and innate personality traits and someone asked me what I thought makes someone sexually submissive. So here's what I said.
What makes you submissive, or even into spanking (if you prefer it on that basis)?
What makes somebody gay? What makes someone a switch?
Sexuality is an enormously complex phenomena involving neurophysiological aspects, environmental factors, spirtuality -- you name it. Therefore I think it's impossible to state what one thing does it.
Environmentally I grew up in a family and went to schools where spanking was present. But I like spanking and my sister doesn't. What made me go one way and her the other?
My boyfriend claims his desire to dominate sexually has come from growing up with five older sisters. However, because he grew up having to be submissive to women he could have just as easily grown up to express his sexuality in a submissive way. What made him go one way instead of the other?
Now, I do think the way I grew up has flavored the way I express my sexuality. And as I've been reexamining a life that has been very influenced by the Church and the medical profession (due to chronic illness) I am also appreciating there are aspects I don't want to be apart of my sexuality.
For instance, my illness has involved a number of dietary restrictions (at the moment, sugar because of antibiotic-induced yeast infections). While a couple of my fellow bloggers at the Punishment Book have utilized their kink as a means of enforcing dietary restrictions, I know because I grew up as a fat girl who had food frequently withheld as punishment for being something I couldn't help, using the threat of spanking would be an extremely unhealthy thing to add to my relationship with my boyfriend. Food and my relationship to it and my body are something I have to work out on my own and any sort of spanking would just muck up the whole thing for me.
I would also go further and say that I am concerned about the way others who express their sexuality submissively utilize D/s. Like those who say they want a DD relationship with their husband so they'll stop fighting all the time or have stopped fighting after starting one. I feel like this is an unhealthy substitute for developing good interpersonal skills.
I can say that I, and some sexual submissives, can at times lack a certain connection to who they are and therefore exhibit a certain inability to set boundaries or make healthy choices (and I know some sexual dominants who have the EXACT same problem) and being submissive can seem easier because it lets someone else do the thinking for us. I DON'T believe D/s is a good way to deal with this problem. Only I can decide who I am. Only I can develop that sense of self that can provide the foundation for making healthy decisions about boundaries and behavior. Attempting to use D/s to provide that is an ineffective way to learn healthy coping and behavioral skills and can even get in the way of ever doing so.
Ultimately I'm sexually submissive because, well, it's a hell of a lot of fun. :)
What makes you submissive, or even into spanking (if you prefer it on that basis)?
What makes somebody gay? What makes someone a switch?
Sexuality is an enormously complex phenomena involving neurophysiological aspects, environmental factors, spirtuality -- you name it. Therefore I think it's impossible to state what one thing does it.
Environmentally I grew up in a family and went to schools where spanking was present. But I like spanking and my sister doesn't. What made me go one way and her the other?
My boyfriend claims his desire to dominate sexually has come from growing up with five older sisters. However, because he grew up having to be submissive to women he could have just as easily grown up to express his sexuality in a submissive way. What made him go one way instead of the other?
Now, I do think the way I grew up has flavored the way I express my sexuality. And as I've been reexamining a life that has been very influenced by the Church and the medical profession (due to chronic illness) I am also appreciating there are aspects I don't want to be apart of my sexuality.
For instance, my illness has involved a number of dietary restrictions (at the moment, sugar because of antibiotic-induced yeast infections). While a couple of my fellow bloggers at the Punishment Book have utilized their kink as a means of enforcing dietary restrictions, I know because I grew up as a fat girl who had food frequently withheld as punishment for being something I couldn't help, using the threat of spanking would be an extremely unhealthy thing to add to my relationship with my boyfriend. Food and my relationship to it and my body are something I have to work out on my own and any sort of spanking would just muck up the whole thing for me.
I would also go further and say that I am concerned about the way others who express their sexuality submissively utilize D/s. Like those who say they want a DD relationship with their husband so they'll stop fighting all the time or have stopped fighting after starting one. I feel like this is an unhealthy substitute for developing good interpersonal skills.
I can say that I, and some sexual submissives, can at times lack a certain connection to who they are and therefore exhibit a certain inability to set boundaries or make healthy choices (and I know some sexual dominants who have the EXACT same problem) and being submissive can seem easier because it lets someone else do the thinking for us. I DON'T believe D/s is a good way to deal with this problem. Only I can decide who I am. Only I can develop that sense of self that can provide the foundation for making healthy decisions about boundaries and behavior. Attempting to use D/s to provide that is an ineffective way to learn healthy coping and behavioral skills and can even get in the way of ever doing so.
Ultimately I'm sexually submissive because, well, it's a hell of a lot of fun. :)
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Mojo?
Bolten: White House Must Regain Its 'Mojo' - Yahoo! News
Dude, is Josh Bolten reading my blog?
sparkle does and she's picked up my use of "mojo" too.
I'd feel trendy if it wasn't for the fact that I'm shamelessly plagerizing Mike Meyers.
Dude, is Josh Bolten reading my blog?
sparkle does and she's picked up my use of "mojo" too.
I'd feel trendy if it wasn't for the fact that I'm shamelessly plagerizing Mike Meyers.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Good spanking bloggers
I haven't been a very good spanking blogger lately. And I can't say that over the last couple of days I've even been in the mood to be spanked for it either.
CFIDS/ME along with an acute infection sucketh mightly.
I am happy to report, however, that some good spanko friends have started their own blog. Yup, Haron and Abel have started the Spanking Writers blog. And they are very good spanking bloggers. Update just about every day. Write witty, thoughtful posts. Lord knows they have had plenty of spanking writing practice as both are well-know spanking story writers. Haron is also, of course, a fellow blogger over at the Punishment Book.
I've also been remiss in failing to mention a blog I found a month or so ago and LOVED: Spanking Model Speaks. Adele Haze is, appropriately enough, a spanking model who talks about life on the other side of the camera -- among other things. She makes me laugh a lot and think a lot too. The best sort of mixture if you ask me.
Right, so there's a bit of reading for you as I return to communing with my pillows.
Oh, and A. bought his plane ticket today and will be here June 7th. Time for my little "my boyfriend's coming" countdown song.
::grin::
CFIDS/ME along with an acute infection sucketh mightly.
I am happy to report, however, that some good spanko friends have started their own blog. Yup, Haron and Abel have started the Spanking Writers blog. And they are very good spanking bloggers. Update just about every day. Write witty, thoughtful posts. Lord knows they have had plenty of spanking writing practice as both are well-know spanking story writers. Haron is also, of course, a fellow blogger over at the Punishment Book.
I've also been remiss in failing to mention a blog I found a month or so ago and LOVED: Spanking Model Speaks. Adele Haze is, appropriately enough, a spanking model who talks about life on the other side of the camera -- among other things. She makes me laugh a lot and think a lot too. The best sort of mixture if you ask me.
Right, so there's a bit of reading for you as I return to communing with my pillows.
Oh, and A. bought his plane ticket today and will be here June 7th. Time for my little "my boyfriend's coming" countdown song.
::grin::
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Been meaning to post...honest
Sorry to be so quiet of late. Most of my energy has been going toward my non-kink blog, but there have been things I've been meaning to post about here. Like the funny episode of "Everybody Hates Chris" in which he gets suspended from school and is sent to his room when he gets home to wait for his father. Chris Rock explains that meant he was getting a whipping and then describes in a tongue-in-cheek fashion that his father had a glass case in which he kept all the different belts he used for different offences like lying, stealing, getting a girl pregnant and doing drugs (that one was complete with mini gun holster). It totally made me laugh.
A. never uses the belt as punishment for me anymore because he knows I actually like it. And I do. When it first hits my skin, it hurts. But then in a half a second it turns into a very pleasurable sensation. Don't even get me started on the scrap strap (you have to scroll down) from Adam and Gillian's. Mmm...so nice. Well, except after I've been caned. Then...ooof! Boy does it stings!
And speaking of punishment, I've been meaning to post some thoughts on that too. While my spanking mojo is back (well, more or less) my punishment kink is not so much. I'm still working on my thoughts about that though, and I'll probably post that over at the Punishment Book when I do. Don't worry, I link to it from here.
As far as my health is concerned, bad news on that front. The clinic called last Thursday and -- aaarrgghh! -- I have another UTI. Despite all the cranberry juice, cranberry concentrate, and antibiotics, I still got one (and yes, I do know about mannose-d and have used it, but it's only effective for e.coli bacteria and my infections are usually caused by other bacteria). Well, at least they caught it before it got very painful so my mojo hasn't been as affected as before.
Which will hopefully mean A. and I will get to play a bit when he comes in five weeks or so. He's buying the plane ticket this week.
::smile::
A. never uses the belt as punishment for me anymore because he knows I actually like it. And I do. When it first hits my skin, it hurts. But then in a half a second it turns into a very pleasurable sensation. Don't even get me started on the scrap strap (you have to scroll down) from Adam and Gillian's. Mmm...so nice. Well, except after I've been caned. Then...ooof! Boy does it stings!
And speaking of punishment, I've been meaning to post some thoughts on that too. While my spanking mojo is back (well, more or less) my punishment kink is not so much. I'm still working on my thoughts about that though, and I'll probably post that over at the Punishment Book when I do. Don't worry, I link to it from here.
As far as my health is concerned, bad news on that front. The clinic called last Thursday and -- aaarrgghh! -- I have another UTI. Despite all the cranberry juice, cranberry concentrate, and antibiotics, I still got one (and yes, I do know about mannose-d and have used it, but it's only effective for e.coli bacteria and my infections are usually caused by other bacteria). Well, at least they caught it before it got very painful so my mojo hasn't been as affected as before.
Which will hopefully mean A. and I will get to play a bit when he comes in five weeks or so. He's buying the plane ticket this week.
::smile::
Sunday, April 09, 2006
"Spank his ass raw"
Every now and then you're going about your normal life when some spanking reference practically grabs you and smacks you in the face.
Such was the case Friday as I was sitting in the waiting area of the acupuncture clinic next door reading the woeful tale of our police chief caught in a Bill O'Reiley-esque sexual harassment scandal (with a little bit of big hair and long-standing black-on-white racial undertones thrown in) in the Portland Tribune.
Now I haven't read the sordid emails, but perhaps that might not be the best disciplinary procedure in this case.
Such was the case Friday as I was sitting in the waiting area of the acupuncture clinic next door reading the woeful tale of our police chief caught in a Bill O'Reiley-esque sexual harassment scandal (with a little bit of big hair and long-standing black-on-white racial undertones thrown in) in the Portland Tribune.
A mentor of [police chief] Foxworth's and a longtime community activist in Northeast Portland...read the tort claim Wednesday afternoon. He said he felt sick...
"...If it is true, if Derrick was so stupid as to write all this nasty stuff down in an e-mail, I want to bring him over here right this second so I can spank his ass raw."
Now I haven't read the sordid emails, but perhaps that might not be the best disciplinary procedure in this case.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
My mojo is back
Yep, I'm still tired as hell and spend most of the day in bed, but laying there gives me plenty of time to fantasize about getting my ass spanked. The current fantasy is actually a fairly severe one and involves me tied the bed and getting it with a riding crop, like in this oldie but goodie. Or maybe even birched.
::Sigh::
I think I need to go back to bed now.
::Grin::
::Sigh::
I think I need to go back to bed now.
::Grin::
Saturday, March 25, 2006
My blog is not a personal ad
Lately I've been getting emails from guys wanting to "correspond" with me. Sometimes they manage to realize my real name is Michelle (listed right under "name" at the left). Sometimes they don't.
First, I have a boyfriend. We're very happy together. Indeed, if you read this blog at all, you would know that.
Second, if you read this blog you would also know that I've been really sick for the last few months. I can barely keep up with email from friends and family. Starting up longstanding correspondences with total strangers is just not going to make it onto my priority list.
Don't get me wrong. I'm really happy that my writing resonates with people, and I'm very happy to discuss specific topics (though I can't always promise I'll be prompt in my reply). If you're a woman, you apparently already know this because when women email me they usually have something specific in mind.
However, if you email me hoping to find a girlfriend, your email is going to be ignored -- at best. If I'm really cranky that day I'll probably tell you to fuck off.
First, I have a boyfriend. We're very happy together. Indeed, if you read this blog at all, you would know that.
Second, if you read this blog you would also know that I've been really sick for the last few months. I can barely keep up with email from friends and family. Starting up longstanding correspondences with total strangers is just not going to make it onto my priority list.
Don't get me wrong. I'm really happy that my writing resonates with people, and I'm very happy to discuss specific topics (though I can't always promise I'll be prompt in my reply). If you're a woman, you apparently already know this because when women email me they usually have something specific in mind.
However, if you email me hoping to find a girlfriend, your email is going to be ignored -- at best. If I'm really cranky that day I'll probably tell you to fuck off.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
A few things
Okay, gonna try and post this again. Tried to last night but my laptop shut down abruptly when it got too hot (one of the downsides of the Averatec) and I lost the post. Though I had already been online for about four hours, so it was probably some divine way of making me go back to resting (A. will be so pleased).
At any rate, one -- I'm out to my godfather, aka...er, what do you call your gay best friend when you're the hag? He's my godfather because he was my sponsor when I became Catholic six years ago and in the Byzantine rite that makes him very distinctly my godfather (indeed my priest quizzed me about whether or not there was a chance we might get married because that would be "awkward" and involve some sort of dispensation from the bishop). When he came out of the closet a couple of years later, it took our godfather/goddaughter relationship to new levels -- for the best, I believe.
Like many hag/gay guy relationships before the guy realizes he's gay, we tried going out for a bit but, of course, had no sexual chemistry. So we were talking the other night about how neither of us really understood what sexual chemistry was like until we started to explore our sexuality as it was meant to be. And I had to explain that happened for me when I typed "spanking" into Google.
"That's a huge one [fetish]."
Yup, it is indeed.
Second, I just watched All About Eve a few nights back and -- omg -- is the relationship between Margo and Bill not just gushing with spanking tension? You could cut it with the proverbial, cliched old knife. Oh, and brilliant movie by the way. Great writing.
Third, being out a bit more now has bumped up my spanking mojo a bit. The liberation of it all, perhaps? Chatting with him helped me clarify in my mind a bit more how to explain my attraction to the sub-fetish within spanking that is the punishment kink.
However, I've been on the laptop another four hours now after reading email and chatting with A. so I'll have to write more about those thoughts another time.
At any rate, one -- I'm out to my godfather, aka...er, what do you call your gay best friend when you're the hag? He's my godfather because he was my sponsor when I became Catholic six years ago and in the Byzantine rite that makes him very distinctly my godfather (indeed my priest quizzed me about whether or not there was a chance we might get married because that would be "awkward" and involve some sort of dispensation from the bishop). When he came out of the closet a couple of years later, it took our godfather/goddaughter relationship to new levels -- for the best, I believe.
Like many hag/gay guy relationships before the guy realizes he's gay, we tried going out for a bit but, of course, had no sexual chemistry. So we were talking the other night about how neither of us really understood what sexual chemistry was like until we started to explore our sexuality as it was meant to be. And I had to explain that happened for me when I typed "spanking" into Google.
"That's a huge one [fetish]."
Yup, it is indeed.
Second, I just watched All About Eve a few nights back and -- omg -- is the relationship between Margo and Bill not just gushing with spanking tension? You could cut it with the proverbial, cliched old knife. Oh, and brilliant movie by the way. Great writing.
Third, being out a bit more now has bumped up my spanking mojo a bit. The liberation of it all, perhaps? Chatting with him helped me clarify in my mind a bit more how to explain my attraction to the sub-fetish within spanking that is the punishment kink.
However, I've been on the laptop another four hours now after reading email and chatting with A. so I'll have to write more about those thoughts another time.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Race, privilege and spanking
I have so many spanko musings I want to write about as I've been spending a lot of time in bed with nothing to do but think. But I'm still too tired to write much or even talk much so it's going to have just ferment for a bit.
But, I do have a bit of reading for you all. No tests will be forthcoming but comments will get you extra credit. ;)
First off is this article from Alternet about a course on African-American sexuality. Let's face it: most of us blogging or posting to newsgroups about spanking are white. Not all certainly, but...well, the vast majority. And it's something I've found rather curious.
And it's not just us bloggers, most academics studying sexuality are white too.
And we're not just talking about homosexuality or interracial dating. The topic of BDSM is also part of this course on African-American sexuality.
A lot of it reflects white privilege, something most white people don't think about much but something Peggy McIntosh wrote a very famous essay about many years ago in which she listed the various daily effects of white privilege. Now, DarkDaughta has used McIntosh's essay as a template to list the effects of sexual conservatism privilege. As a spanko I found myself nodding frequently as I read through the list. I need to read it a few more times to give a serious review of the post, but I certainly encourage you all to read it as well. Granted, as a spanko I'm often able to blend in with "vanillas" far better than those with more visible sexuality, and I certainly wouldn't consider any oppression I've suffered from because of my sexuality to be near the level that those who are black or gay have suffered (though the "who's suffered more" game is frequently pretty pointless).
And of course, when you mix gender, race and class all up together, it gets really, really interesting.
But at any rate, some stuff I've read recently that pertains to issues surrounding our kink that I thought some of you might find interesting too. If nothing else, it's something to keep you busy until I have the energy to write something of my own.
But, I do have a bit of reading for you all. No tests will be forthcoming but comments will get you extra credit. ;)
First off is this article from Alternet about a course on African-American sexuality. Let's face it: most of us blogging or posting to newsgroups about spanking are white. Not all certainly, but...well, the vast majority. And it's something I've found rather curious.
Among his students, he finds that "certain things are considered taboo because they're considered things that white people do. For example, gay and lesbian identity is considered white, introduced to blacks during slavery and not organic to Africa. Religiosity also comes up; sexual practice is conflated with religious prerogatives."
And it's not just us bloggers, most academics studying sexuality are white too.
...a notion prevails that sexuality studies is something that white people do and something that people of color have done to them. This paradigm sets up a power dynamic that can leave people of color dissociated from the sexuality research field.
And we're not just talking about homosexuality or interracial dating. The topic of BDSM is also part of this course on African-American sexuality.
"We've had this motif that runs through the course: It's called power," Baham says. "I ask the students: How about if we play with power? How about if we play with violence? How about if we play with slavery? I talk about BDSM as a political act. [In BDSM], all the issues with gender roles, slavery, violence and power, all of these come to a head...Baham starts by talking about spanking or being spanked as an example of what BDSM can entail. He'll often bring in a guest speaker from the BDSM community. Through these discussions, the students are able to see the potential for BDSM to be, as he puts it, "a redemptive and spiritual act." His students often mention having a slight interest in the topic, but that they don't know what it is and think that it's a "white thing." Despite this, students report that the idea of "doing things that are aggressive or submissive is exciting. There's a tremendous amount of interest, but real lack of information on it," Baham says.
A lot of it reflects white privilege, something most white people don't think about much but something Peggy McIntosh wrote a very famous essay about many years ago in which she listed the various daily effects of white privilege. Now, DarkDaughta has used McIntosh's essay as a template to list the effects of sexual conservatism privilege. As a spanko I found myself nodding frequently as I read through the list. I need to read it a few more times to give a serious review of the post, but I certainly encourage you all to read it as well. Granted, as a spanko I'm often able to blend in with "vanillas" far better than those with more visible sexuality, and I certainly wouldn't consider any oppression I've suffered from because of my sexuality to be near the level that those who are black or gay have suffered (though the "who's suffered more" game is frequently pretty pointless).
And of course, when you mix gender, race and class all up together, it gets really, really interesting.
But at any rate, some stuff I've read recently that pertains to issues surrounding our kink that I thought some of you might find interesting too. If nothing else, it's something to keep you busy until I have the energy to write something of my own.
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