Jinkies you're naughty, Shaggy!

Click the pic to make Velma spank Shaggy!

A. and I happened upon the above GIF during some research for our discussion deconstructing the class narrative of the Gang and their Mystery Machine vis a vis the -- Nah, just kidding. We were googling Scooby Doo p0rn. And we were quite enjoying it too, thank you very much. I've made this one -- which you can find here -- my new screen saver! Other hot pics included this one, this one, this one and this one (love her sweater and skirt hung neatly up on the side - nice touch!). 

One question, though, with regard to cartoon p0rn: what the fuck is with all the giant balloon boobs? Do guys really think that's hot?

Hairbrush night

I usually never watch "Til Death" on Fox, but I just turned the TV on a few minutes ago to see what was on. Within 30 seconds, Brad Garrett's character was asking Martin Mull's character to stay after he got up to leave. When Mull's character said he needed to get back to his wife, Garrett's character asked "What are you afraid of? Is she gonna spank you -- or not spank you?"

Mull's character grins sheepishly, "Well it is hairbrush night...she gets really angry if I'm late." At which point he sits back down.

Unfortunately, that seemed to be the only funny part of show. It was followed by yet another unfunny episode of The Simpsons. Thank God for Seth McFarland - who manages to do both spanking references AND comedy well.

But liked the "hairbrush night" bit. Nice touch.

Spanking the monkey?

A. found this picture from Do-While's "WtF photos from Old Times" page. While this one was the most relevant to the topic of this blog, there were a few others with shades of kink.

I can't tell if she's wishing she were in the stuffed monkey's place or if she's thinking about getting this young man home and spanking him. I mean, she does kind of have a just you wait sort of look...

Rules of the Lashes

A. finds the darnedest things while websurfing. Like this list of rules from a nineteenth-century American school -- along with the number of lashes delivered should the rule be broken -- in a manifesto about what's wrong with public education.

"We're going to play a game," he said when he first told me about the table below. "You'll have to memorize each of the rules and number of lashes. And if you get the number of lashes wrong, you will, of course, receive that number of lashes."

He's not kidding either. Once he gets here next week, he's planning a session with these rules, a cane, and me in my school uniform. I can't wait.

Except I don't know which will part of me will win out -- the Lisa Simpson in me or my spankophilia. Indeed that's always my problem when playing a schoolgirl: I can never decide if I want the "A" more or the spanking. However A. assured me this afternoon that there are always plenty of spankings for being a smarty-pants.

I wonder how many lashes Wm A. Chaffin would ascribe to that misdemeanor?

oOo

Rules of the Stokes County School, November 10, 1848
Wm A. Chaffin, Master (click on the table to see it in full)

I think the biggest shocker in this list was the penalty for playing cards. I mean, why the hell is playing cards worse than betting in any other form?

The UN Spanking Court

Bit of a startle on Jon Stewart last night in a segment entitled "Sh#it That's Never Gonna Happen" in which he details how conservatives are so worried about the UN telling them they won't be able to spank their kids, that our fair nation has yet to sign the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child -- the only other country that hasn't being Somalia. "The UN Spanking Court?" balked Stewart in response to the fears of conservatives. "Not gonna happen."

Though an international court that utilized spanking...Now that one has a bit of fodder for fantasy...

Actually I had a friend, K., who was from Sweden, a nation which had banned the spanking of children. K.'s father was a policeman who would be ostensibly enforcing said law. However when young K. pointed out to his dad that his ass was now safe, his father promptly replied that he would continue to take K. over his knee whenever he damn well felt it was merited. Interestingly enough, K. grew up to be a UN peacekeeper where he learned first hand how (in)effective UN treaties are.

I must confess that my lack of blogging this last week is probably a result of my having developed a Twitter fixation. It's like being able to hang out with friends without having to expend the energy required for instant messaging or actually going out. However while it may meet some of my socialization needs (which cannot be underestimated when one is housebound), it's ultimately not a replacement for proper blogging which I hope to return to in the coming week.

Though Twitter isn't exclusively to blame. I am in the process of analyzing my activity level and how best to balance my need for rest with my need to interact with the outside world. Can't say I've come to any concrete conclusions yet, which is why my posting has been so erratic lately. I can say my blogging will continue; I just don't know how much and how frequently yet.

I'd talk more, but my medication has kicked in and I don't know how much longer I'll be coherent. ;-)

Fanny-whaling on SNL

They always seem to be in the last skit.

There was a spanking reference in the last skit of tonight's Saturday Night Live, with Dwayne Johnson (aka The Rock) playing a Casanova of sorts using a lighthouse to woo Kristin Wiig. Except that every time he turned around he was turning off the big light, causing various watercraft to crash against the rocks below. Ms. Wiig's character kept insisting they should go and help the people injured upon the rocks. However Johnson's character would dismiss the noise as something else, like whales, so that they would not be distracted from the fucking they were clearly anticipating. And, of course, there were double entendres aplenty to try and add some comedy to what was otherwise a truly surreal and not particularly funny sketch. The last of which came from Kristen Wiig who stated something to the effect of the only whale she wanted was "the whaling you'll do on my fanny."

Not nearly as funny or as substantive as the Catherine Zeta Jone sketch a few years ago where she and Will Forte sing their vows of undying marital spanking bliss to each other, but another example, I think, of how spanking is one of the totally hip fetishes these days.

More fun than spanking porn?

Saturday evening I watched the 1961 film version of Lorraine Hansberry's remarkable play, A Raisin in the Sun.* It was a fascinating movie to watch at this moment in the African-American experience, as well as American history as a whole. I was savoring Hansberry's complex characters and incisive dialogue when it happened: somebody mentioned spanking.

"Go on in there and get ready for your beating," says Ruth to son Travis after he returns from wandering around the streets at night. It takes several minutes for the action in the living room to finish so that Ruth can head into her bedroom where Travis has been sent to prepare for his beating, despite the fact that Ruth "sure don't feel like whipping nobody" that night.

You know how you're reading a book or watching a movie and someone mentions spanking but it's only a mention? There is no actual spanking or if there is, it's only alluded to. And that allusion will keep you going for days as you ponder the logistics. At least that's the way it is for me.

What does getting ready for a beating entail? What position will he be spanked in? With what?

This also happened to me last summer when I was feeling well enough to finally read A Hundred Years of Solitude.** Colonel Aureliano Buendia is trying his Conservative enemy (albeit a very friendly enemy), General Moncada, (who is mother has grown rather fond of) in a kangaroo court-martial. Along with several other women, Aureliano's mother, Ursula, pleads with the court to have mercy on Moncada and delivers a stern warning about what could happend if that mercy is not granted:

"But don't forget that as long as God gives us life we will still be mothers and no matter how revolutionary you may be, we have the right to pull down your pants and give you a whipping at the first sign of disrespect."

Yet as Colonel Aureliano Buendia tells Moncada after he's been condemned to the firing squad, "I'm not shooting you. It's the revolution that is shooting you." And as revolutions are hard to spank, Ursula ends up whipping no one. Well, except her son Arcadio a bit earlier in the story when he becomes a complete despot, but it was more in a "Jesus in the temple whipping the money-changers" sort of way rather than a maternal punishment.

At any rate, Ursula's courtroom warning had me entranced for days as I tried to picture this tiny, if strong 60-70ish year-old woman taking down the pants of a legendary revolutionary and spanking him. And I found myself asking many of the same questions I did on Saturday night about the spanking reference in A Raisin in the Sun.

Sometimes I think those references are more fun and provide more view for the imagination than spanking porn.

_____________
* A Raisin in the Sun: The Unfilmed Original Screenplay, Lorraine Hansberry, New York: Plume, 1991, p. 127.

**One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, New York: Avon, 1970, p. 153

"Is it a birch? Is it a cane? No, it's..."

Part of a selection of "the most WTF comic books ever" at King-Mag.com. The bottom in me does find a delicious sort of amusement at Pa/Principal Kent's poor hand...

Knock on wood there will be a post of substance tomorrow.

Bet this landlady takes no nonsense...

When/if I ever make it Manchester, I totally have to go here.

Actually, we noticed someone with the nickname "Spanking Roger" in some old Guardian archives recently. Does anyone know where the term originated?

When dominatrix analogies go bad

Gary Kamiya at Salon.com managed to work the world of S&M into the whole Sarah Palin buzz. Except it's very clear that he doesn't quite understand how the world of S&M works.

Because to anyone who isn't a true believer, Palin comes across not as a fantasy pinup, but as a dominatrix. And the S/M demographic isn't going to put the Republicans over the top in the swing states.

Now, a dominatrix is generally synonymous with a strong and yes, harsh but definitively attractive and appealing figure, particularly to sexually submissive men. Thus, "fantasy pin-up" and "dominatrix" could well mean the exact same thing. A dominatrix shouldn't be scary to anybody but the person who genuinely wants to be scared by her for his or her sexual gratification. Kamiya's implication is that if someone isn't a "true believer," they would hardly see her as appealing. The word I think he means -- though it lacks the sexual analogy he's going for -- would be bully.

What bothers me is the assumption that a dominatrix -- a woman whose form of sexual expression, or even sexual orientation, is to dominate -- is somehow a bully. That a woman who dominates men is something scary and wholly negative, even if any domination that takes place is between two consenting parties. It's why so many women who commented on the piece found it to be blatantly sexist.

For the die-hard Republicans who at the convention, her whip-wielding persona was a turn-on. You could practically feel the crowd getting a collective woody as Palin bent Obama and the Democrats over, shoved a leather gag in their mouths and flogged them as un-American wimps, appeasers and losers. "Drill, baby, drill!" the chant ecstatically repeated by the GOP faithful during Rudy Giuliani's speech, acquired a distinctly Freudian subtext after Palin spoke. The more Palin drilled the Democrats, the more hotly the base yearned to drill her. (We will leave it to shrinks to determine whether the GOP hardcore has the hots for Palin because she's reaming the Democrats, or because authority-worshippers tend to have secret fantasies of being reamed themselves.)

The problem for the GOP, however, is that for independents, Palin comes across as someone who's going to drill them.

So, in other words, for Republicans she's a dominatrix. For independents (and I assume Democrats and those on the Left), she's a sexual predator. Clearly the analogy section in the SAT (Do they have that anymore? Or is it only in the GRE?) was not Mr. Kamiya's strong suit. And it still gives me that icky feeling of strong women are to be feared. Yes, I know it's supposed to be a funny sort of piece, and I'm sounding a bit pedantic. But words matter. Especially when they pick up some nasty baggage that should be left behind.

Don't get me wrong. After reading this, this and this and watching this, Governor Palin scares the shit out of me enough that I just might vote for Obama instead of McKinney.

But "strong woman" should never equal "scary".

'Tis the life indeed

A. is a big fan of Metafilter, a list of interesting links readers have found on the web each day. On a Saturday a few weeks back they had a link to vintage ads, including the one above for the 1944 movie This is the Life.

All I have to say to those girls salivating while awaiting their turn bent over the table (as well as the young man behind the guy with the paddle) is I'm next.

Oh and yeah, there is spanking in the movie. Richard Windsor has the clip in an assortment of spanking-in-film clips on YouTube.

It was me!

Whew! That last post kicked the crap out of me. And then the stomach flu kicked a whole lot more crap outta me. Literally. But I'm back to solid foods now. And I think I'm just about caught up on comments, though I still owe lots of email to both kinky and non-kinky alike. So much email...

At any rate, I thought I'd share a quicky with you about my appointment with Nurse K. on Tuesday. Awhile back A. asked regarding my relationship with Nurse K. "who will be the first one to use the S word?" Well, it turned out to be me. At one point, I was mentioning how I had been trying to get an appointment with her the week of the 17th.

"If I saw you that day I could have pinched you -- if you weren't wearing green, that is," she said with a grin.

"Apparently that's an American thing as A. had never heard of that custom until I mentioned it," I said, being the cultural anthropologist-wannabe nerd that I am. Then without really thinking too much and with a bit of a grin myself I followed up with, "And apparently they don't have birthday spankings in England either." Suddenly I realized I'd said the "S" word and quickly mumbled something about perhaps it shows that Americans are more violent.

Nurse K. smiled and then turned back to the computer to type in my Coumadin dose as she verbally went over it with me.

Needless to say, it was not one of my more articulate moments.

Speaking of birthday spankings, A.'s birthday will occur a little over a week after he gets here (a month from tomorrow!). It will be the first time we will have ever been together on his birthday and at that time I plan to painfully introduce him to the venerable American tradition of the birthday spanking.

I'm hoping his ass will be more sore than my arm.

Send your Facebook friend a spank

Somebody else may have already blogged about this. And lord knows I'm probably the last person on earth to get a page on Facebook (not linked here but I suppose if you dug around enough on my non-kink blog you might find the link). But, on Facebook there is this one application called "SuperPoke" in which you can send a certain action to your Facebook friends and among all the choices of actions you can send him or her is a spank.


But, alas, there is no little emoticon/icon/whatever the hell you call it for the spank! I mean, how hard would it be to have a little bottom next to "spank" that's a bit rosy? Plus, it's also listed under the "mean" Superpokes, but not the "nice" Superpokes. What's up with that?

The Lady Jane bench

My very favorite on-screen spanking of all time is in Lady Jane. You remember the one (I mean, how can you forget?). Her mother tells the staff to "prepare the gallery." Young Jane (played by Helena Bonham Carter) is escorted to a u-shaped bench and given the birching of her life.

If I owned the movie (which I should but, sadly, don't), I would show you a picture. However, MovieSpanks over at YouTube has the clip along with nine others in his list of the top ten spankings of the 1980s. Lady Jane is ranked seventh (?!) and as the list is M/F F/F oriented, it's also lacking one of my other favorite spankings, the paddling in Dead Poets Society.

Um...right, I can't help it; one of the spankings in his list takes place on a plane and all I could think of was, hey, Spanks on a Plane...

So back to Lady Jane. It came to mind just now as I was looking at a household catalog online and came across this:


I know! You can own your very own Lady Jane bench for less than $25!

The castle and costumes needed to make the recreation complete, however, might set you back a bit more.

S & M in space

So, I'm in the kitchen making chicken soup tonight with the CBS Evening news on in the background when a story (the link is a video that's preceded by commercial) comes on about how women are now simultaneously commanding the International Space Station and the Space Shuttle (yay feminism!). And they mention one of the magic spanko words: whip. Apparently the Russians gave the female commander of the space station a whip as a symbol of her authority. "Remember, you are the boss," they said as they presented a single-tail.

Now that could make for a very interesting spanking story. A femdom one methinks.

And speaking of femdom, my dommey phase is over for the moment. And my spanking mojo is so back. Just 18 more days. I shall definitely have to be on my best behavior. Or not... ::grin::

A Liberal spanking

This week's cover of The Nation (hat tip to newsgroup reader ngtybtnice) with an amusing picture pertaining to the topic of this blog...

Not particularly fond of either Olbermann or O'Reilly, though I do like The Nation a great deal.

So, liberals spank with rulers, eh? Who knew?

Overheard at the doctor's office

Yesterday as I spent an hour and a half in the waiting room at the doctor's office, I remembered a delightfully startling conversation I overheard a few months back that I wrote down in my notebook but never got around to sharing here because of all the laptop problems.

While sitting in the exact same seat waiting for my anti-coagulation nurse back in July, I suddenly heard a female voice say, "I'll take her home and spank her." I looked up and realized the threat came from a slightly tired, rose-cheeked young woman leading another young, attractive, giggling brunette in a flowery dress.

"Yep, I promise I will spank her when we get home," the rose-cheeked woman said even louder as they started to walk toward the elevator.

A young man, who I believe was friends with them, laughed. "Hey, might be fun."

"Yes, don't you wish you lived at our house?" The spankee-to-be said. She then began to make small talk with the young man as they waited for the elevator. An older, wiry, stern looking woman who I suspect was the young man's mother, told him to stop talking to the brunette.

"You be quiet now," the rose-cheeked woman ordered the brunette, "or you're going to get him grounded."

That's when the elevator showed up and the waiting room returned to it's normal, vanilla ambient noises.

A. threatened to ground me once several months back when my shoulder became too sore for any more phone spanking (I'd been having problems getting to bed on time). It gave us both a good laugh (I'm housebound or a "shut-in" as some of my Meals-on-Wheels deliverers call it) .

I'll be in the clinic again three hours from now waiting for my anti-coagulation nurse. I'm kinda hoping for a bit more kinky eavesdropping.

Bed and Breakfasts for the kinky set

It wasn't enough to have a bed and breakfast set in an old public school. McMenamins, a local chain of brewhouses and hotels here in Oregon, then had to go on to convert a Catholic school complete with nunnery and friary into a brewpub and B&B, and is now going to convert a jail (hit the 'watch video' button to the right) into a brewpub and B&B complete with wedding chapel.

If the McMenamin brothers aren't kinky themselves, they sure know how to cater to the kinky set.

Actually, I've been to Kennedy School on several occasions as it also includes two restaurants, a movie theatre, two bars, and a gym that doubles as a concert venue (or prom venue). The ATM is in the school office which includes the old principal's office, and the first time I went to get some cash there I overheard one of the employees discussing paddles, saying something like, "you know there was a lot of paddling going on in this room -- assume the position!"

Indeed, the history section on the Kennedy School website used to be longer and included a section about one of its more beloved principals, even if she was rather stern. It even included a ditty about her smacking bottoms, but it's no longer there. ::pout::

The B&B rooms at Kennedy School include chalkboards along the walls, perfect for writing lines. In fact, if you scroll through the pictures of the room on their webpage, the one of the chalkboard in the hallway shows just such a scenario. There is a small desk as well should you have to write lines on paper. It's definitely the perfect place for a kinky couple to spend the night. Not that A. and I have yet, as money has usually been pretty tight when he's been here. But I did hang out with an out-of-town spanko friend staying there once. Though, alas, we didn't make nearly as much use of the chalkboard as we had planned.

But just imagine what new sorts of punishment scenarios could occur in a room that is also a jail cell. ::grin::

"Two teenage girls are in trouble today"

The last couple of mornings I've awakened too early, or rather, woke up at the time normal people wake up but too early for someone who didn't fall asleep until 1:30 am and needs a good ten hours or so to maintain a certain tenuous level of health. While I waited to go back to sleep, I turned the radio on to listen to NPR.

Amidst the horrific news from Minnesota (I used to have nightmares all the time when I was little about a bridge collapsing while I was on it), the local feed reported that two teenage girls were in trouble for leading cops on a high speed chase. And they really started with "two teenage girls are in trouble today following a high speed chase involving..."

Now, maybe I've just had too much naughty on the mind lately, but lordy did my ears perk up when I heard the phrase "two teenage girls are in trouble today." I mean, don't you think it just screams "boiler-plate spanking story ahead?"

Needless to say, I couldn't fall back to sleep.

So, about a half an hour ago I started getting very sleepy. And now that Meals on Wheels has just shown up, I can go back to sleep without interruption.

Just you all wait 'til I get that new (used) laptop. You're going to be inundated with all my pent up spanking thoughts -- both here and at the Punishment Book.

First openly spanko TV personality?

Grand Inquisitor - News from the Big Brother house on Channel 4.com Annotated

"Well," chuckled Carole, "you'll have a laugh here. Are you married? Single?"

"I'm a virgin. I'm not into sex," came the intriguing response.

"Looking to find love?" continued an unfased Carole, "Are you heterosexual?" she added.

"I'm attracted to both genders," confessed Jonty, dropping a second bombshell. "I don't do sexual, I just do spanking instead."

A. told me yesterday afternoon about this conversation at the Big Brother Halfway House and he wondered, is Jonty now the first openly spanko TV personality?