Some naughty thoughts involving nurses

As you might imagine, I spend a lot of time with various medical professionals these days, including nurses.

There was a week last month when I was in and out of the ER twice because of shortness of breath (they finally decided it was bronchitis and the beginnings of asthma). Both times another pulmonary embolism had to be ruled out, which usually involves getting a CT scan with a contrast dye and requires a large needle IV. During the first visit the nurse was hunting for a suitable vein (a rather daunting task at times) and remarked at how fair my skin was. "Oh, you're so gonna need to be careful as you get older that you don't break your skin with tape and stuff." You don't even want to know what my boyfriend does to me, I thought. ::evil grin::

The nurse I see most consistently is K., the one who does my anticoagulation therapy. And while I said awhile back that I didn't have any spanking fantasies about her, that has now changed. I mean, how can it not when at my last appointment she says stuff like "you better behave this week" while hugging me and sending me on my way? If I hadn't been so lethargic that day, I probably would have had some mischievous come back. But, alas, I just mumbled a bland "I'll try."

Indeed, the day after the second trip to the emergency room I was rather hyper in that way little kids are right before they're about to crash (I blame the Albuterol - asthma medicine - they gave me in the ER). Okay, the Laffy Taffy I kept eating all day also probably contributed to my exhausted jitteriness. I imagined Nurse K. catching me with my hand in the bag of Laffy Taffy in the cupboard when I was supposed to be in bed. Telling me that she thought I'd had quite enough of that for one day. Asking me what my discharge instructions were (Rest and avoid stimulants). Asking me if I'd actually been resting (er...um, well, not really, but hey, I did finally put away the clothes my caregiver washed and folded the week before...). Finally sitting down and saying, "alright, over my lap." Then giving me a good, long spanking with a hairbrush.

In reality, I doubt she'd be doing any spanking. This is the same nurse who said I was fragile. In fact, I'm quite sure she'd be horrified to know my boyfriend has beaten me with a riding crop or a wooden spoon while I've been taking Coumadin.

Not that she couldn't wield a wicked wooden spoon herself I'd imagine...

Lordy I so need to finish that nanny story I've been working on since -- omg, it's been a whole year now! How pathetic is THAT?!