A. has decided he is going to be a strictologist.
It started a few weeks back when he rearranged a chair in his sister's living room. While I wasn't there to witness it, it was apparently one of the single greatest acts in the history of interior design.
"I have a gift," he told me afterwards. No matter that he can't tell the difference between periwinkle and plum if his life depended on it. I'm no longer allowed to make decorating decisions about the apartment without his approval. And I'm most certainly not allowed to shop at Ikea. Ever. "You will not confuse Ikea with good taste," is his new mantra, which he's threatened to make me write 1000 times.
And you thought that last story was just fiction...
Then there was the other day when the owners of a particular website asked his opinion about their site. "Well, since they asked..." A. proceeded to list several major problems he found.
"Maybe you should be a website design consultant," I said. "Yeah and you could be like those management consultants and make lots of money."
"I would be a great consultant. Especially if I could use a cane." A. then laid out his scenario as yet another bossy Brit, in this case one who goes in and critiques both interior design and web design, with his trusty cane in tow, of course. "You've been very naughty with your drop down menus...And these chairs are disgraceful!"
"I suppose it's sorta like a pro-dom, in a way," I suggested. And according to a story I was reading this afternoon about the self-help industry, there is the common theme of those seeking out these bossy books and TV shows having "a penchant for punishment."
"Yes," said A. "A pro-dom, interior designer, web design consultant...a strictologist."
It does seem like a nice, catch-all title, no?
And how would one become a strictologist, I wondered. Well, hell, there are degrees in sexology, so why not strictology?
I can imagine it now. Training in scolding (perhaps even a minor -- with further coursework in an upper class British accent). Proper caning techniques. Implement care. Psychology of brats and subs.
Perhaps there might be a TV show in the making here, like, say, "Super Strictologist".
Yikes! Imagine a caning from somebody with that title...
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
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8 comments:
I assume that A.'s extensive practical experience would allow him to teach this course in strictology, with suitable guest speakers, of course?
I'm afraid I have to side with A. about Ikea-- sorry! The catalog is one thing, but if going to Powell's wiped you out for two days, it would take two months to recover from a trip to Ikea, accompanied by the inevitable long lines and chaos. The furniture and meatballs may be Swedish, but the lines are straight out of communist Russia (as portrayed on Western TV).
Glad you're feeling better!
Hey - I love Ikea! It's good furniture, and it is affordable!
Look, I'm self-employed, paying for my own insufficient health insurance, as well as paying for my own schooling. If I didn't have Ikea furniture, I likely wouldn't have any furniture. We've got to do what we can!
It would take a lot more than a cane to make me give up Ikea! I hope the strictologist is ready for a challenge!
Heh. And it was just last Friday that I posted at "this thing we do" about "Spankonanny" after watching an episode of Supernanny. Great minds think alike. Except that I value my ability to sit on chairs without pillows, I'd tell W to hire A as a strictologist à la Spankonanny.
Ikea is not my favorite, because the stuff I can afford is garbage, and the stuff that *isn't* garbage costs more than I can afford. W and I usually have much better luck with thrift stores and yard sales. or, for a splurge, Gothic Cabinet Craft. And their stuff, at least what we've owned of it, is *indestructible*. Plus, in a small apartment, if you want a king-sized bed, you're also going to want to have the immense amounts of storage found under a king-sized captain's bed!
Personally, I think that A just needs to stop being snobby about Ikea, though. There is some stuff there that's really good, and a lot of stuff there that is totally adequate (the cheapo picture frames, for instance).
And he and W can meet up and crow about their amazing interior decoration skills, while you and I snicker about their mutual inability to know the difference between colors.
(Sheesh. I'd better *hope* I'm right in believing W doesn't read this blog!!)
Indiana -- Yes, yes I think A. could probably teach such a course. He is indeed a master strictologist. I mean, he always makes me giggle nervously whenever he says naughty.
Oh and I do all my Ikea shopping online. There's no way in hell I'd ever physically make it down their aisles or their meatball line. ;-)
Rose -- See, he doesn't mind if you shop at Ikea. I'm just not allowed to because he actually has to stay in this apartment. But I agree: it's furniture at a nice price!
JA -- Mmm...nannies...I've never quite had as much of a thing for the nanny on Supernanny, but that Nanny Deb on Nanny 911...she's certainly given me a few nice fantasies...he he.
Ikea is not my favorite, because the stuff I can afford is garbage, and the stuff that *isn't* garbage costs more than I can afford.
Yeah I actually have a similar ambivalence about Ikea as far as the quality and cost is concerned. Frankly, a lot of the furniture I'm not all that impressed with (I mean, this rocking chair looks like something out of a Saturday Night Live skit). But those kitchens...Yet the stuff I'm interested in always is a lot more expensive than I wish.
But there are moments when A. will grudgingly agree they do have some good deals. Grudgingly... ;-)
I do like the idea of snickering at their inability to tell colors apart. (Er...I'm pretty sure A. reads this thing, at least every now and then. When I read out the first part of this post over the phone to him this afternoon, he did say he was totally going to beat my ass..eep!)
Oh and I do like some of those beds at Gothic Cabinet. If they could make them in a four-poster bed, I'd be sold! You know, if I had an extra $1500 or so... ;-)
I think Gothic Cabinet Craft must be a New York based chain, because we got the king-sized storage bed and I am nearly 100% certain it cost us closer to $400 on sale, without the mattress. And boy, does that thing have *storage*! (Even though some of the drawers are blocked because our room isn't *quite* large enough for it.)
Er...I'm pretty sure A. reads this thing, at least every now and then. When I read out the first part of this post over the phone to him this afternoon, he did say he was totally going to beat my ass..eep!
Eeep! indeed! And A probably *remembers* these things when you aren't together. One benefit of a top with ADD is that if I choose not to mention something, she's not as likely to remember it herself.
See, A. thinks he might be ADD -- I kinda think he just might be right. Most of the reason for the punishment book is that he never remembers anything by the time he gets back here.
I have verifiable, psychometric tested evidence of my short term memory and concentration problems. And I'd swear his are worse than mine!
I assume that when A. said he was going to beat your ass, he meant it as a reward for your clever way of calling him on his color-challenged decorating skills? :-)
LOL -- er, yeah. Something like that.
It certainly wouldn't at all be because I was sarcastic about his "gift"... ;-)
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