The first tutorial was brief and, er...uncomfortable as my tutee was my mother. See I've strongly suspected that part of the reason her current (fourth) marriage is not working out is that her husband may actually be submissively oriented, as is she.
Now why would I even know enough to deign passing judgment on my mother's sexual life? Well, because I get to hear about it in intimate detail.
Yes, I know. EWWWWW!!!!
My mother cannot grasp the concept that children do not want to think of their parents as sexual beings and has always shared freely with me about her sexuality. Not to mention, has always felt it her duty to share sexual information with us. I'm still traumatized by our discussion regarding blowjobs. I was in the car. Nauseous. Begging her to please...stop...talking...
I've gotten more comfortable over the years (not totally comfortable but, you know, I don't completely want to vomit) as she and I have been much more like sisters than parent-child anyway (hence my hunger for some sort of parental figure). So yesterday as she was driving me to Trader Joe's and talking about her husband, I finally just blurted out, "why doesn't he just go to a dominatrix already!"
"What's a dominatrix?"
Was she serious?
"You know, a woman a guy pays to have order him around and often, you know, whip him and what not...you know, S/M and what not," I tried to explain.
"What's S/M?"
My jaw dropped. For a woman who has always seemed to be this fount of sexual information, I was shocked.
"You know dominance and submission. Where one person's sorta in charge in the bedroom...In fact, I've often thought that you, with your obsession about having a husband who is the head of the household and takes care of you, would totally be into domestic discipline..."
"What's that?"
I took a deep breath. Then shook my head.
"I should probably talk about this later and do my shopping," I said grabbing the car door handle. "You can look it up on the Internet."
"Good idea."
The Loving Domestic Discipline page probably had a few hits from Clackamas, Oregon last night.
I've actually been toying with talking to my mom about the whole DD thing for awhile. Yet aside from the ick factor, there's also the concern that if she did totally get into the whole thing, I'd never be able to go to a spanking event in Portland again without my mom being there (yes, she's little Miss Outgoing).
Then again, it could solve my transportation problems getting to and from said events. Just kidding! The gross-out factor would always, always override my mobility problems.
Still, I often wonder if she'd finally find happiness if she did start looking into DD. But I'm not sure I feel comfortable talking anymore with her about it. That's what Google is for, right?
oo0oo
The second conversation was this afternoon with my godfather. That was less uncomfortable as my godfather is my gay best friend (if we lived closer and I didn't have a boyfriend, I'd totally be his hag) and very familiar with deviant forms of sexuality. It was the logistics of how it worked that he was a bit mystified about, especially when I explained that often it is the act of being spanked (or playing pony, which was what started our conversation) that provides sexual gratification, not necessarily penetration. Indeed, penetration may not even come into it at all. When I was first coming out, I got spanked by many guys but it never involved sex.
"So, what does the top get out of it?" he asked.
"A lot of it is about sadism. About being able to hurt someone and getting pleasure out of that as well as pleasing the person you're hurting. And controlling how the scene is going to play out once you've negotiated the ground rules." As a newly practicing switch, I actually had an answer to that question which as a bottom I'd always sort of wondered about myself.
"I have to say, it's all about penetration for me," he stated. "...I wouldn't really know what to do in that context."
"Well, while I do think there is a lot about our sexuality that can be learned, I also think a lot of it is inbred. A form of sexual orientation, if you will."
"Interesting."
After that we talked about how wrong a certain professor of ours was when he used to go on about how the Internet was going to create political revolutions throughout the Arab World when, in fact, the revolution really has been in sexuality. I don't see the monarchy changing in Saudi Arabia anytime soon, but dating certainly has (i.e. it actually happens) thanks to instant messaging.
I'm sure that you, dear reader, can relate to that last point. Google has almost single-handedly changed our lives and blogs like this help both writers like me and readers like you know that we're not alone.
oo0oo
At any rate, those have been my spanking tutorials over the last two days. The weird and the interesting. The disturbing and the thoughtful.
If I'm not careful, I'm going end up teaching community college courses on spanking and D/s. Then again, I do miss teaching, so that wouldn't be such a bad thing.
Just as long as my mom doesn't enroll.
Posts
7 comments:
Oh, my, this post takes my paranoid imaginings about whom it would be most embarrassing to see at my first spanking event to whole new levels! Oh, right, deep breath. I don't live anywhere near my parents. Whew.
Oh, Natty, you poor dear. I understand what it is like to have a mother who is a little too open with you about sexuality. My mother never seemed to figure out that I'm her daughter and not her best friend. Though, I'm sure she knows all about S/M. She's an adventurous woman. *shudder*
This brought back for me a memory from when I was little. It was when I learned what the word "masturbate" means. My mother and I were standing in the checkout line. I can't remember (thank God) the whole context of what she was saying, but it was definitely about sex because she mentioned that a man in this particular anecdote was masturbating. Mind you, I was maybe 8 or 9 years old. Not knowing any better, right in front of the checkout lady, I asked my mother what the word meant. Knowing better and apparently not caring, right in front of the checkout lady, my mother offered a detailed explanation of the term.
I am simultaneously horrified and amused by this post, Natty. Horrified by the thought of EVER discussing ANYTHING sexual with my mother and amused because, quite frankly, that would never happen in my world. In fact, I got the birds and the bees talk from my mother three days before my wedding.
And speaking of DD in marriages, I've noticed my husband and I discussing that about the relationships that a friend of mine was in. It wasn't sexual issues; she wanted to be dominant, but was angry at him when he wasn't dominant.
Great thought-provoking post!
Hope things are going well for you,
Lele
See? See? Normal people find the thought of talking to their mother about sex repulsive! Why can my mother not understand this?!
Though I have to say, Rose, your masturbation story trumps my blow job story (barely and only because I was in my twenties). My mom grew up Baptist and still has a lot of that in her so she would have been horrified if I would have asked her about it at the grocery store. At home? No problem. In public? Totally red-faced.
Oh and Lele -- that's exactly the problem in my mother's current marriage (well, the biggie anyway) and like your friend, she's constantly pissed with her husband because he basically wants her to tell him what to do. She really seems to want this sort of warm, fuzzy benevolent dictator both in and out of the bedroom. And looking back, two of her four marriages have been to men who definitely fulfilled the dictator part sans the benevolent. I think it's why she clings to the fundamentalist Christian model of the submissive wife and the male HOH. She thinks it's because that's the way God wants it. I think it's all about sex and she should leave God out of it.
Well, maybe not about sex (at least for me, the discipline isn't only about sex) but definitely not about God. Except to the degree that God made us as we are.
Soooooo glad my mother's talking about sex was limited to "where babies come from" (when each of the younger kids was on the way, and then the rather shocking-to-her experience of realizing that the animated version of Where Did I Come From? included anatomically correct cartoon characters gettin' it on in a hot tub. Oh, yeah, and her repeated advice to me and my little sister that we should either be celibate or be lesbians (I think she doesn't recognize that lesbians have sex? Or she was just feeling especially anti-men in those years?)
Mind you, there are a few people in my life I wouldn't mind cluing in about DD, but they would be SOOOO offended if I said anything of the sort to them, so I don't bother (but you know the people who could use a good spanking, right?)
I do indeed. :-)
I often wonder about discipline and sex -- but not sex in terms of intercourse. I sometimes wonder if sex becomes a way to synthesize various aspects of who we are.
Now I appreciate that is more complicated when DID is involved. And I'm not even sure I know how to explain what I mean. Except that sex is becoming one of our primary means of communicating complicated feelings and desires.
Er...my brain is all over the place today so I think I may just end it with saying that I think sex is becoming more and more difficult to define.
First - my mother and I will never have any conversations like that. ::shiver::
I think you're right about sex "evolving" and becoming harder to pin down with a set definition. It has grown far beyond the basic purpose of procreation.
Post a Comment