Moving slowly to the girlie side

For the last month and a half I've been in a bit of a dommey mood. Or rather, I haven't really been in much of a kinky or sexual mood at all, but if I had to be kinky, I found it easier to be the demanding goddess than a child-like submissive (and when I did feel child-like, I just wanted to be cuddled). Hormonal craziness, unresolved grief, and just plain feeling like shit left me with little inclination towards sex. But it did leave me hungry to be in control of something. And I have to say, I found it rather satisfying making my beloved happy by dressing seductively, barking orders at him, and taking out my frustrations on his backside with a riding crop. I even ended up with a foot massage to boot.

Yet as that last post of mine demonstrated, I'm starting to feel more like my bratty, little girl self. With a touch of slutty school girl thrown in for good measure (more about that in a forthcoming post). I could feel the girlie side slowly taking over the other day while I was topping. Not that it came all at once. I was enjoying my foot massage. I was relishing A.'s wincing while I whipped him. And I was loving the view from the top while we fucked.

Then A. grabbed my breasts and broke the dommey spell.

I slapped him reflexively and castigated him for touching what he knew he was not allowed to touch. He apologized and said he thought I was switching back to subby mode.

"No. I'm not done riding you yet," I said with another slap. Which, I wasn't that exact second, but within three or four minutes I was. I laid down next to him and meekly said, "okay, you can top now."

He seized my breasts.

"These are mine and I will have them whenever I want them." He pinched and pulled my nipples until I yelped.

"Yes, Sir."

"And this is my cunt that I will fuck when I want to." He grabbed my legs. "That's it -- legs up! That's the proper position for fucking."

I grinned. And spread my legs wide.

Now it had been awhile since we had had good ol' missionary position sex as during the last time few times, I would start to pass out. This time as he entered me, I hoped that everything would be fine.

Wrong.

At first it was just a little bit of nausea. Then I started shaking -- almost like shivering, except I wasn't cold. I kept telling myself to take slow, deep breaths. But this horrible, icky feeling flooded through my whole body until I could feel it from my sternum to my fingers and toes. And aside from the light shining out of the lamp next to me, the room had a darkish-tinge. I began pushing A. away and started crying.

"I have to stop! I can't...have to stop..."

Immediately he was beside me, pulling me to himself.

"Hey...oh, baby..."

I cried softly for a few minutes until the icky feeling subsided and I could speak normally. We talked about what had happened. Tried to figure out why (we didn't -- and still can't). And cuddled a lot. Needless to say, the cuddling made me feel like his cherished little girl.

As I mentioned, this always seems to happen when we do it while I'm on my back. It never seems to happen in any other position. However, when I orgasm -- usually from wanking on my back -- I do get this sort of full-body twitching thing going on. Again, almost like shivering, except I'm not cold.

But last night when A. was wanking me off, it was a lot like what happened the other night. I didn't feel so much like I was going to pass out. At first I thought I was just too tired to come -- my clitoris got too sensitive before I could orgasm. Then the twitchy thing started and I thought maybe I was coming, except within a minute or two, that horrible icky feeling started again and I couldn't speak much. And again I cried a bit and we cuddled. And I wondered, am I going to be able to come again anytime soon?

I have no answer to that question (and if you have any idea what's happening to me, feel free to comment), but for the meantime, I think we're going to stick to spanking -- spanking me, that is. Indeed, I'm off to put my school uniform on. I'm feeling like a cheeky schoolgirl tonight.