How the hell did I end up here?

I've been thinking over the last few weeks about what an amazing transformation I made in a mere decade.

In 1994, I was living with a family from my Baptist church while going to university. I had never had a drop of alcohol or even been kissed. I was teaching Children's Church, directing a weekly children's Bible memorization program, and leading music for my church college group in addition to my studies.

By 2004, not only had I been laid and drunk, I started writing a sex blog about spanking. Sure, I was still going to church, but I was Byzantine Catholic (and a dubious one at that by that point).

Have any of you, as you've started blogging or going to spanking parties wondered, how the hell did I end up here? Have you found that in embracing your sexuality, it has taken you places you never expected to go? Do you ever wonder who this new sexual deviant is, or asked the inverse question, who was that uptight, repressed person I used to be?

Needless to say, I've been rather pensive lately. It's probably why I haven't been posting as much. I mean, I've actually been journaling...in private.

But A. gets in tomorrow night, and I know we have at least one play session that we want to blog about coming up on Friday night (you know, health permitting), so hopefully my meditative mood will disperse and I'll have more juicy posts forthcoming.

The politics of pleasure is messy

I wanted to point out a piece in Alternet excerpting a new book called Feminism and Pop Culture. What I liked about the article, aside from the fact that it gave a nice review of the rise of sex-positive feminism (aka "do me" feminism), was how ambivalent it was. That the "politics of pleasure" is complicated, with women both empowered to embrace their sexuality yet still finding their greatest value in being sexually objectified.

It made me think about the messy nature of spanking – particularly Domestic Discipline – and feminism. In the discussion on feminism and DD at the Punishment Book almost a couple of years ago (it so does not feel like that long ago), what was remarkably lacking in all the talk about choice was empowerment. Feminism requires both. You can make choices that are inherently anti-feminist when they fail to empower women. Women are empowered when they have the ability to fully embrace their sexuality, regardless of how unequal it may appear. Women are not empowered when they are subordinated to men because of their gender. Both of these occur within the DD community.

There is a great deal of feminist backlash within the DD and BDSM community, including blogs which insist that a woman is required to be submissive because she was born with a vagina or dominant women (and submissive men) who feel distinctly unwelcome in their local BDSM community (which is often run by dominant men). I think sometimes that because we're trying so hard to show that you can be a feminist and a sexual submissive, we fail to call out the sexism that exists in our community. But it's there. It's so there.

Interestingly enough, I often think that within our community the ones who suffer the most from entrenched patriarchy are submissive men. While acting out our sexuality might make us feel a bit uncomfortable with some of our feminist peers, submissive women have it easier in that respect than submissive men because society is still far more accepting of submissive women than submissive men. People grasp M/F on a primal level, but feminism has not yet brought us to the point that people feel comfortable with F/M, except in kinky pop culture references here and there (and frequent illogical dominatrix analogies).

At some point I'd like to write more about this, but my brain has been really mushy the last two weeks, so it won't be tonight. :::grin::

VibeReview Fantasy: Bendybeads

You know my libido has been on vacation because until last Wednesday or so, whenever I tried to create the fantasy that follows this review using a real-life occurrence as a starting point, I got nothing. Just...blankness.

But my deviant imagination has returned, which is a good thing because Bendybeads scream out for a good pervert. Indeed my reviews so far have been a bit vagina-centric for my particular flavor of kinkiness. I mean, we are spankos, are we not? We are all about the ass. And Bendybeads too, are all about the ass.

And boy are they yummy in the ass.

Now, if you're not familiar with anal beads, they are usually plastic balls attached together by a string that are pushed into and pulled out of the anus (along with, like anything else involving the anus, lots of lube). However in more recent years there have been some innovations in the anal beads concept, such as replacing the string (which is impossible to sanitize) with jelly or plastic, or making the whole thing a bit more substantial like a butt plug. Indeed one of the early butt plugs I bought was a jelly one fashioned in graduated, bead-like fashion, similar to the Spectra Probe at VibeRevew (which is what A. used in me for real, inspiring the fantasy below).

I have to say, Bendybeads are a major improvement to Spectra-like bead-plugs. I'm more a sphincter stimulation sorta gal rather than in love with the fullness of a plug and Bendybeads are much easier to push in and pull out of the ass than a plug. They have this lovely little hook at the end which facilitates that sort of activity. The largest of the balls is comfortable enough, i.e. not painfully large, and all balls stay put even with a lot of lube. It is a bit on the long side (indeed too long for my naughty box), but I could still sit comfortably (relatively speaking) with it in. Best of all, it is made out of phtalate-free silicone, which is safer and more hygienic as it can be cleaned easier.

I used mine one night with my wankin' spankin' tool and my Silver Bullet vibrator and had one of the most amazing orgasms I have ever had. No joke. :::Happy sigh::: Ah, that was a nice night....

But when A. returns in a couple of weeks (two weeks from today to be exact), I imagine my Bendybeads being used in the following fashion:

It will be one of my good days, where I'm strong enough to reassert some sort of dominion over the kitchen by washing the dishes. As I find satisfaction in wiping every spot from the glasses and every slick of grease from the plastic containers, A. comes up behind me and begins to grope my tits. Soon his right hand slides down to my ass. He caresses and fondles my fatty cheeks before delivering several sharp blows. Slips his hand down my pajama bottoms and fondles some more. Pulls it out, wraps it around my belly, and with both hands clutching me, dry humps me from behind.

"Keep washing the dishes," he orders before disappearing. Upon returning a few minutes later, he whisks down my pajama bottoms while I hold a sudsy plate. "Let's get these down," in a voice mixing the authoritarian and the lecherous. Next I feel an oozy finger probing my hole. I look down to my right and see the Bendybeads in his hand.

"No! No! Not my bummy hole!" I exclaim with mock consternation, jolting my hand down to cover my bottom.

"Excuse me? That is not yours to decide." It's all authoritarian now. Sharp and impatient. "Spread your legs, please. Ass out."

I obey immediately, albeit with a whimper. I always whimper when my anus is involved. There's something about it being probed and entered that makes me feel so small. Naughty. Violated. Exposed. And terribly aroused.

"Continue washing the dishes, please," he states while smearing a glob of icy toothpaste on my hole. My whimpering becomes prolonged.

"Yes, Sir." I haltingly return my attention to the plate that has sunk to the bottom of the sink. Rinse it off and pick up another dirty plate, letting out a squeak as I feel the first of the Bendybeads pass through my sphincter. And another squeak with each one after that. After every red silicone bead has entered my bum, he swishes them around (making my anus burn even more from the toothpaste) and then begins to pull them out. Then back in. Then back out.

It's hard to wash dishes when your pelvis is thrusting back and forth. But thankfully, the last glass is finally dripping in the dish drainer.

"Don't move," A. orders. He snatches the hard plastic spatula from the jar on the stove and rapidly slaps the flesh on each side of the Bendybeads. I squirm about in an absurd attempt to avoid the inevitable unyielding plastic stinging my skin.

Just when I think I just can't possibly take another stroke, A. puts the spatula down. Grabs a clump of my hair and pulls me into the bed/livingroom. Pushes me down onto my stomach on the bed.

"Push your ass up."

I obey directly. He pulls out a bead or two. Pushes them back in. Picks up the electric cord flogger (aka the wankin' spankin' tool) and whips me as I scream into my pillow. After a few moments, he stops. Puts on a condom. Takes out the Bendybeads. And fucks my ass silly...

*****************

Probably a bit rougher than what I could manage in real life, but at the very least, it makes great wank fodder. :::grin:::

And with only three weeks left in the Election, remember that you can take an additional 10% off your order with VibeReview using this coupon.

Sugasm #150 -- Sugasm'd again!

Whoo hoo! My fellow sex bloggers picked my post on pain and sex as one of the top three posts this week. Thanks so much!

And hopefully I really will get that VibeReview fantasy up tomorrow. Non-kink stuff has had my attention the last couple of days. But my libido has kicked into gear, and I'm so ready to write something hot and yummy. :::grin:::

*******************
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #151? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom

This Week’s Picks

Stolen Time
“The sigh of a kiss that has been too long waiting is a wicked rush.”

Keeping things hot when everything hurts
“While it’s not as fun for him, what I love about those times is how sexy he makes me feel at a time when I probably feel the most worthless as a lover.”

Like lovers do…
“As soon as I got that groove, he felt it. His body started to tense up and tremble.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
At What Point Have You Crossed The Line?

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

Politics stole my mojo!

Sorry to be so quiet the last week and a half. I was surprised to discover on Monday that I hadn't posted anything for a whole week. Time goes by so quickly when you're on morphine and sleeping most of the day...

I think politics has smothered my libido of late. Instead of drifting off to sleep with visions of stern nannies, a strict daddy, and the odd subbie boy, I've been muttering to myself what Obama or McCain should have said in the latest debate. Or what that damn bailout bill should have included or discarded. Instead of reading spanking blogs, I've been faithfully following the polling projections at FiveThirtyEight and CNN, watching as the country slowly turns blue. Checking the bookies at Oddschecker while the odds shorten and lengthen as the Dow falls. A. and I have been sharing our favorite political posts at YouTube during our daily call rather than our latest spanking fantasies. Especially now that Saturday Night Live is funny again.

But my mojo is slowling returning. The other night I fell asleep to the fantasy of an uncompromising nanny taking me to task for failing to take a medication I tend to avoid as I dislike its side effects. Politics has influenced A.'s latest pretext for spanking me, involving a spreader bar and the McLaughlin Group. I suspect there will more information about that one after he arrives on October 29th.

For now, however, I'm just popping in to say that I should return to normal posting in the next few days with a new VibeReview Fantasy. And hopefully when I fall asleep in the next hour or so, the only red and blue I'll be thinking about will be in regards to my ass...