Not quite two weeks ago while I was shaving, I smiled to myself as I thought about a post from Mija several weeks back where she talked about how she scheduled brazil waxes around pelvic exams "in case the lack of hair caused questions." I smiled because I normally do the same thing too (though not necessarily for the same reasons). But as I finished shaving my labia, I suddenly remembered that in a couple of days I was going to have a colonoscopy. Shit! It wasn't a pelvic exam, but it was down there. Would they notice?
I continued thinking about it as I got out of the tub. So why does it matter? Given the current fashion for bare twat, I couldn't possibly be the only patient they will ever see with a hairless snatch. So what was bothering me? What was I really worried about?
I'm fat (something I talked about on my non-kink blog yesterday). And fat girls aren't supposed to be kinky. They're not even supposed to be sexual. We're thick, sweaty, lazy, lonely, depressed blobs who do nothing but eat and watch television. Fat girls who try to be sexual -- think of fat Monica on Friends -- are silly at best, repulsive at worse.
Would the doctors be grossed out by my smooth but pudgy pussy? Would I be the one they talked about later on in the break room? You should have seen this three hundred pound girl we worked on today. She actually had a bare beaver. I mean, I've seen them on the hot girls...but her? Ewww...
Of course, why the hell should I care if they are or not? At least that's what I told myself. And keep telling myself.
And I'll keep telling myself that until I no longer give a second thought about when my next pelvic exam is while I'm shaving my flabby but sexy, worshiped, busy cunt.
In the meantime, I think I'm going to buck up my courage after that awful experience three and a half years ago, and show that picture of my ass at the Grand Canyon off a bit more. See the left sidebar -- if you haven't already.
Friday, July 25, 2008
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12 comments:
Natty, nothing wrong with a fat bum, more room to play on.
There are plenty of spanking models on the plump side.
For me it's the girl on the inside that counts, there are many reasons for being fat, overindulgence is only one.
You continue to have a nice smooth plump quim and doctors be damned!!!
Have a look at this website, you might find it interesting;
http://www.guptaprogramme.com/
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Natty, we all struggle with self esteem issues, and bodies that do not do or look like we wish. I guess some more than others. Frankly I would rather weigh 500 pounds than carry the ugliness inside that blogger does, Her apparent disregard for your feelings, and her inability to realize or care that she hurt you, shown by the comments she left, are quite astounding. I have seen that there are random acts of kindness in this world. They make the world a better place. There are also many random acts of meanness. They hurt us all, I think. It seems we can only walk away, shaking our heads, and go do something nice for someone. BTW, I think lots of women outside the kink world shave these days too. They are not going to think anything! Sara
Paul -- Why thank you. I too have long thought that having a big bum means having more to play with and spank. :-)
I'm not sure I've yet seen that many spanking models who are plus-sized, aside from one at Lupus or those specifically in BBW spanking porn. But that's a forthcoming post.
Regarding the Gupta program, I have heard of it and so far it remains a controversial one within the ME/CFS community. I'll look forward to seeing what he publishes in medical journals in the future. :-)
Sara -- It's true that I think just about every woman I know -- and increasingly more and more guys -- struggle with accepting their bodies. That incident three years ago certainly didn't help mine and a few more reactions over the years to that pic (which personally, I think is a damned cool one) have left me wary of sharing it more. Lately, however, especially after reading the wonderful Curvaceous Dee share her body so fearlessly with readers, I've thought that maybe it was time for me to be a bit fearless myself. ;-)
And you're totally right: shaving is all the rage now days among kinky and vanilla alike. The knowledge of that is what made think a bit further about what I was so worried about, and hence, brought me to the realization in this post. :-)
Wonderful post, Natty. A big beautiful bottom is, well, beautiful indeed.
Keep up the spanktastic bloggin,
Dave
You are so awesome. I'm so sorry that damaging experiences still affect you in this way - if the doctor thinks badly of you then they're a misogynistic fuckwit who isn't worth the time and energy it would take you to care what they think.
Of course, I know you know that intellectually - and I empathise with how hard it can be to know it emotionally. Training ourselves out of our body-hating socialisation is a long journey, but you're strong, and you have good friends and a good partner to support you along the way.
I too would love to see more plus-size spanking models. Of all the sex industries, ours should surely be the first to break the mould! Kudos to the BBW spanking sites for pioneering, but the real step will be when models of all sizes regularly feature on the mainstream spanking sites. (When I start my own paysite, I intend to hire models with a wide range of body types. Oh, and boys.) I'm not a big girl myself, although at size 12 I'm much bigger than the conventional standard for beauty in our culture (and I get a staggering number of comments on my "big bum" - although happily they're mostly positive!). I do consider myself body-positive, though, having wrestled with self-esteem problems and disordered eating myself. It's taken me years to accept myself the shape I am. And I consider myself a fat-positive ally. So go you for writing this post, and for shaving and writing about your body and not being afraid. I hope not being afraid becomes easier. You deserve to love your body unreservedly.
xxx
Dave -- Thanks. :-)
Pandora -- Thank you, also. And I think you're right about our kink being the one most likely to break out of the body fascism so entrenched in our society. With a few notable exceptions that I've paid entirely too much attention to, I've found spankos to be remarkably accepting of my body and my ever so voluptuous ass -- most likely due to Paul's line of thinking that a big bottom just means there's more to spank.
And you starting a pay site will kick ass!
I'm a curvy, plump girl. Always have been. Rubenesque (sp??). I have not always been happy with that and that's a shame: it took me a long time to fully detach from societal expectations.
I am strong and loved and lovable and eminently spankable and fuckable -- and so, I am certain -- are you.
{{hugs}}
Fat Monica on Friends is a great example of how the media portrays the overweight. Could you imagine if it were the other way around... and the too skinny Monica was the lame loser, while the fat Monica was the sexy life of the party? Even though it happens that way in real life sometime, it wasn't going to happen on TV.
Good post and thanks for the excellent example from popular culture.
:)
Todd and Suzy
ps
Thanks, Beth. Yes, I struggle with hating my body AND hating that I hate it. I want so much to be that strong girl who bucks the trend and doesn't look back. My intention is there and for the time being I hold on to that.
And thank you Todd and Suzy. It is disappointing how resistant television is -- at least here in the US -- to have fat girls be the hot girls. But TV is fiction, of course, and I guess it's up to fat girls like me to show the world what happens in real life. ;-)
I think you're great.
I am nowhere near model thin myself... I used to date a doctor who saw many, many women naked, did the whole pelvic exam hundreds of times -- and he thought my curvy body was wonderful and sexy. I think you'd be surprised at how unlikely the doctors are to be grossed out.
Thanks. :-)
Yeah I had a few doctors early in my life that have probably unfavorably colored my view of doctors. That and I'm constantly reminding myself that doctors see all sorts of people and for the most part just focus on the task at rather than what the body is like.
A bunch of my highschool friends went into medical school. Physician trainees are a league of their own, at least in France, when it comes to cynicism and shock. I for instance remember how a female student I knew, over dinner, started discussing rectal exams, especially of males - I think she did that just for kicks and seeing males becoming uncomfortable.
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