I just finished eating my dinner from Meals on Wheels, and I have to say, I've never been more grateful to have people show up at my door with a warm cooked meal. Indeed even as I typed that last sentence I started to tear up a bit. The isolation of illness has been particularly brutal since my boyfriend left last week to head back home to England.
Damn those 90-day limits on tourist visits.
As those of you who read this blog regularly have probably noticed (and there are a handful of you who check in at least daily) it's been a bit quiet the last couple of weeks. My immune system has been overwhelmed with a variety of infections: a staph infection in my right index finger, an ambivalent respiratory virus, two separate UTIs, and the ever-present yeast infections that accompany 5 weeks of antibiotics. It's all left me so weak that even moving my fingers across a keyboard has seemed like a gargantuan task. And since other trivial activities like bathing or cutting up a few vegetables for soup have also turned into gargantuan tasks, blogging has been relegated to the superfluous.
However, when you spend most of your time without actual human contact, blogging becomes a way of feeling like you do have some sort of connection to the outside world. A way of sharing all those thoughts running through your head as you spend hour after hour laying in bed. A way to feel like you're contributing something even as illness makes you feel so damn useless and burdensome.
So, blogging hardly feels superfluous. It certainly provides a necessary function in my life. Yet, despite it's value, I've been made painfully aware this week that it can't take the place of human contact. Friends in Canada or Florida or England or California are unable to be here when I'm too sick to type.
Which means that on days like today when I can finally type again, you all are all the more precious to me.
As are those good people at Loaves and Fishes who came and woke me up with a Styrofoam package of sausage, mashed potatoes, spinach, cottage cheese and peaches, a dinner roll and Nilla wafers.
Monday, September 19, 2005
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7 comments:
Gawd!
Nattie, I do understand, though I know I couldn't cope if I had to live what you do.
I can't always figure out what to say, even for your coupled posts (I am a human moron on so many levels) but I do care about you.
You matter. Don't forget that OK. YOU MATTER
;) patty
*huggsssssss* to you Natty.
I emphathize with you, totally. I wasn't aware he had left already. Booooo. When can he come back? Or can you visit him there? (yeah, not a good answer since you are a bit under the weather....)
Hugsssss and hugsssss,
poiesia
Illness is a rotten thing. I'm sending some good wishes your way for a long stretch of good health, soon.
It gets really amazingly lonely when you're sick and can't get out of the house, and I must admit that I'm profoundly grateful that my wife and I live together (and that she's no longer working away from home!). Even on my really good days, I don't have the energy for a ton of socializing, so it's nice to have someone right here in the apartment with me.
So, yeah, some good health vibes going your way. And also some wishes that you and A. can figure out a way to be in the same country for longer stretches of time (um, of course, only if that's what you both want!).
Nattie,
Sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. I really enjoy your blog, and being from Portland, it is nice to read about your adventures out and about. Let me know if I can do anything to help.
Timmers (Kimberly)
Thanks so much for your comments all. It's funny to note that all of you commenting have been women. :) Statcounter doesn't tell me the gender of my readers and I often wonder if the majority are women. And I often look at this blog as sorta like sharing steamy details with my gal pals. :)
Patty -- Thanks. And you are SO NOT a moron! Tell Fred to spank you for ever thinking that! :)
Poiesia -- well, the plan had always been for me to go there for Christmas but as it looks like I'm going to be under the weather for awhile, he's probably going to come back this winter. Pray that Homeland Security doesn't get pissy about him visiting so much. Seriously.
Claire -- I feel quite honored that I've made your elite reading list. :) Don't worry, I'm taking my probiotics like crazy right now, as well as doubled my garlic tablets as garlic is an antifungal. If my immune system will just hang in there... And regarding marriage, LOL you're starting to sound like my family! While there may indeed come a point where we talk about that, at the moment it's not an option because at the very least, I'd lose my disability benefits if I got married. Our government rarely puts its money where its mouth is when it comes to family values. And the UK isn't too keen on giving a marriage visa to someone who might be a recourse to public funds.
Dyke Grrl -- thanks for the good wishes. A. works from home also and having him around the last couple of months was wonderful, but made it harder when he left. Hopefully we'll figure out a way to be together on a more permanent basis soon. :)
Timmers -- nice to hear from a local! (LOL -- for you UK people, can you tell I've been watching too much League of Gentlemen lately?) Thanks for your thoughts. So far I'm doing alright with help from social service agencies and family. But if you're ever downtown and wanna hang out, drop me an email.
Again, thanks for all the good wishes.
I'm glad you are finding time to be yourself admidst your illness.
feel good and remember we love you =)
and i'm a guy - apparently its not only girls who read this.
Thanks anonymous guy. :)
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