Friday, February 13, 2009

Not as perverted as it used to be

Don't ya love news stories that state the obvious? "Kinky sex is on the rise," is the headline at ABC News. The line following lists several fetishes and then asks, "is it the Internet?" Um, need you ask? And as always there are a few things that are mostly right but the language seems a bit awkward.

But today, according to sex-perts, couples are looking for more intensity in sex lives, and interest in sado-masochism appears to be rising.

"After the pain threshold is crossed, they describe a type of ecstasy called 'flying," Dunlap found in his research. "It is no longer painful and gives an entirely sexual as well as psychological, transcendent place. Flying is bigger than any drug."

I've heard of "sub space" but "flying?" Have any of you heard it called "flying?"

I also wonder how it works for vanillas -- er, teleiophiles (ya learn something everyday!) -- when they use sex manuals suggesting BDSM to "spice up" their relationships. Spanking and bondage have been the core of my sexual fantasies before I even understood what sex was. It comes as natural to me as breathing. But does adding some handcuffs and a paddle really "spice up" a relationship for people who don't breath it?

The article was a nice reminder, however, that being a pervert isn't as perverted as it used to be.


roguebfl said...

Yes I've heard, of "flying" it actually the same thing as "sub space"

When I go into sub space the only way I can comprehend the feeling in away that i can describe, is I'm emotionally floating I don't "feel" the ever precedences gravity, very similar to the how I feel during the free fall portion of a bungie jump.

Others describe as "they are flying"

Natty said...

Yeah every now and then I'll hear a sub describe the experience with the simile "it's like I was flying." But I guess I've never heard the specific state referred to definitively as "flying." But I'm probably being too anal retentive about it.

You've been bungee jumping? That's so cool. If I was a bit healthier and it wouldn't completely finish off my vestibular system, I'd totally want to try it.

Liveroot said...

Kinky sex getting a mainstream headline? I'm glad to see it's not as marginalized as it was growing up. When I was younger I really thought I must be the ONLY person in the world with bondage and spanking fantasies. I'm glad to hear that people are becoming a bit more free to explore their sexuality and expand their sex lives. But I also have qualms about an outlet such as ABC handling a topic like this. Because it so often seems that the mainstream media types are the mostly likely to f**k it up and further misconstrue what kinky and fetish people are all about, thus furthering the negative stereo-types. But I'll endeavor to be optomistic about it.

roguebfl said...

yes I've been budgie jumping, from the second highest bridge jump in the world 8)

OK it helps that it was invented in New Zealand (AJ Hacket is a kiwi)

Liveroot, Ya after School uniform fetish spanking is problem the second most mainstream kink nowerdays

Iris said...

When I'm getting spanked for punishment, my mind goes to one place. But when I'm just taking a really hard strapping or spanking just for fun, I call it "flying." It's definitely not sub space (which is a term I don't use anyway), and "flying" is the best approximation I could come up with. Didn't know it was so common, though. Interesting.

Jen said...

I used to call it flying, but I like Greg's term for it better, "Blissing out". It doesn't happen every time, just after a nice long session with the heavy cane. Then it takes a while to come down, and makes me all relaxed and feeling amazing.

Marie said...

I'm not into truly painful stuff - I stick to spankings that would not have felt out of place for a misbehaving child a few decades ago. Nothing that leaves scars, weals or welts, or causes serious pain.

For me, the goal is not so much the pain as the feeling of submission to my beloved hubby, of the humiliation of being treated like a naughty child. The resulting sore butt just serves as a reminder of that.

When I'm the spanker.. Well, I just like my hubby's butt. His naughty butt. That needs my "maternal" touch.

sparkle said...

I've heard it called flying (lots of time with Iris) and blissing (or blissing out). Personally I prefer any of the 'bliss' expressions to flying, but flying is accurate, I think.

Pandora said...

I've always called it flying. It's a very specific thing for me. Subspace is when I'm chilled out, in that relaxed state of absolute surrender. But things still hurt, and I still respond to the hurt by yelping and wriggling.

Flying is when the endorphine response of my body is so intense it puts me into trance. I stop resisting the pain, and the hardest strokes elicit no more than a moan or tiny whimper. I arch to meet the strokes, and I just seem to eat the pain. I'm completely out of it. I can't support my own weight, and if you tried to make me stand up I'd pass out. It doesn't happen often, but it's an amazing experience, and it usually takes me a few hours to return to earth afterwards.

Zula said...

The only time I've seen the term "flying" is in Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns.

And, honestly, this article isn't surprising at all. Talk-show hosts have been recommending role-playing to spice up sex lives since before I knew what kink was. I'd argue that very few people are COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY VANILLA; rough sex? having your wrists held? Those can count as kink - it's only now that people are admitting it

Natty said...

I have to say I'm learning something new. I think your distinction, Pandora, was helpful and I'm not sure I've quite experienced that before. "Blissed-out" is much closer to what it's like for me when I'm in my pain slut mood.

And I tend to agree with you, Zula, about few people being totally vanilla. A. and I are always discussing whether someone is top or bottom as if it were the most normal discussion to have. Every now and then we run into a politician or someone on television or who we've met who we get absolutely no kinky vibe at all from, but it's not very often.

Abby said...

I'm a little late in chiming in on this, but I've only just started trying to catch up with everyone this weekend. So, firstly, hi!

Secondly, I've experienced "flying," which for me is akin to a kind of white-out of the senses. I've had sound disappear, and although I'm not sure whether my eyes were open or closed, I've felt as if a strong light were blinding me, not in a painful way, just in that a blank white space becomes my field of vision. This is usually accompanied by what Pandora described as being completely out of it, weak body, weak legs, the ability to take pain somehow the only power left in me.

I am really surprised to see this referenced in an ABC news piece, even if it was just before Valentine's Day. Aren't they owned by Disney? If crossing the pain threshold is now de rigeur and Disney's okay with it, I am going to have to start visiting their parks much more often. Spanking Mountain or Sadistic Pirates of the Caribbean, anyone?