Saturday, May 27, 2006

Dominant Masters for Newbies

paulsez » This week’s best seller so so funny. I mean, my-ribs-are-sore funny.

It's a context thing

A few days back Adele Haze offered a bit more insight regarding my annoyance when total strangers tell me I need to be spanked. She pointed out that just because a women writes about sex doesn't mean she's asking to be treated crudely. And basically, if you're an ass to a woman, you're less likely to spank her ass.

However she also made a point that I've been pondering too, namely, that men say a lot of bizarre and obnoxious stuff, with statements regarding my need for a spanking being fairly tame. And it's true. I had a guy a few weeks back who sent me an email saying that he likes to read my blog and jack off. My reaction was sorta okay...eww...

I think most people would agree he was being crude and generally most guys are not only not that openly vulgar to women but have a certain level of disdain for men who are. Yet my experience among spanko males is that many don't have the same level of discomfort in being so forward regarding telling a woman with whom they have no relationship that she needs to be spanked. And it's a lack of general disapproval of such indiscretion that bothers me.

But that's still not quite it exactly. There's something else I just couldn't put my finger on.

So I kept thinking.

Then I realized that there's a part of me that really hates that I like this whole spanking thing. She sort of puts up with it because she's convinced herself -- and not without merit -- that this is an act of radical sexual expression and liberation. Which, of course, it is. But something happens at that moment a guy I don't know (and some who I do know) says to me "you need to be spanked" in which the Appalled Feminist and the Cheeky Brat come together in perfect harmony, with the Cheeky Brat thinking nuh uh and the Appalled Feminist thinking fuck off, dickhead.

And it all comes down to context.

When A. tells me I need to be spanked, it's totally erotic. But that's because there's already established chemistry there.

When spanko friends say it to me, there's generally already an established relationship of mutual respect in which I know they have regard for me in my totality -- beyond being just some brat who needs to be taken in hand. It's playful. It's safe.

When someone who doesn't have regard for me in my totality says it, my Appalled Feminist and Cheeky Brat come together to protect me. And they are all the more vigilant because that boundary gets crossed far more often by Mr. Dimwit Spanko than by Mr. Wanker.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

The List

A long time ago I promised to post a list of all the things I've been spanked with. Here they are in the order I remembered them in (i.e. mostly random). There are links to some moments in which these implements have been used, or in one case to what it looks like as it was used on me before I was blogging. The ones with no link are also ante-blogging.




Electrical Cord

Wooden Spoon

  • Plastic
  • Rubber
  • Metal
Frying Pan

Cutting Board


Scrap Strap

Razor Strop


Dog lead/leash

Riding Crop

  • Rattan
  • Bamboo

Punishment Stick


Fly Swatter (both ends -- the wire end gave me welts!)

Remote Control

Complete Works of Shakespeare Vol. 2: Histories (quite thudy)


Clothesbrush (I think that's actually what we've been using whenever
bathbrush is mentioned)

Bathbrush (way before I was blogging)


Slipper (Men's from Marks and Spencer -- can't find a pic at their site. )

Shoe (what the Brits refer to as a "slipper" and something A. got five times when he was a cheeky lad in primary school)


Coat Hanger

Yeah, I think that's about it...

Thursday, May 18, 2006

If you ever have to write lines...

Check this out.

Scroll down and you can have it generate your lines too.

Appropriately enough, I learned about this from a bloggy-friend who is a nun (and who probably wouldn't appreciate a link from here lol). Though she was writing lines cause she was naughty (hadn't graded papers).

Monday, May 15, 2006

Garden cane memories

This post of Abel's over at The Spanking Writers brought back a happy, painful memory.

Abel writes about clearing out a window-sill garden and before throwing out a deceased orchid, noticing it had been propped up by "a rather nice cane." And as you might imagine, the business end of that cane finds its way to Haron's backside.

I got a bamboo garden cane "just because I was there" too. We were housesitting for A.'s brother and he found it in the back garden. And like he does whenever he finds something he can pervert, he immediately had to try it on me. Though since the back garden is rather public to the adjoining terraces, it was with my trousers up. (At least I think they were. I have a vague memory of complaining that "people will see" but I don't remember if it was one of those moments where I was feeling particularly brave.)

Later that night when I had been really bratty (you're shocked now, I'm sure) he used it on my bare backside. Ouch indeed.

Though I still think rattan is more ouchie. It's definitely more stingy. A local friend of mine used a thicker bamboo cane on me later and broke the thing on me after a good 70 strokes. I mean, it did hurt, just not with the intensity that I've now come to associate with a whippy rattan cane.

Friday, May 12, 2006

"You need a spanking"

Optimism is such a wonderful thing.

I mean, consider the cool confidence of the fellow who left me an offline message on Yahoo messenger the other day that went something like, "Hi/ I saw your blog/ You do need a spanking."

Blind to the fact that as a total stranger, that's not really his call. Completely oblivious that he's flirting with someone else's girlfriend. He just leaves his witty, remarkably original message believing that I'll be so overwhelmed by his charm I'll reply back.

Okay, yes, I did mention in the last post that I'm in my insatiable pain slut mood, so I'll grant him that physiologically I'm desperate for a good caning.

He's not the first total stranger in my spanko life who's told me I need a spanking. But I gotta say, it's such a total turn off for me. I don't think A. ever said that to me until three or four months into our online relationship. And then it was in a specific context. And even then there was still a teeny tiny part of me that resented it.

Needless to say, when a total stranger says that to me, I really resent it.

I know that for some women it's really hot. And that's totally cool.

But for me, it's like I have to be able to consider you some sort of equal before you can comfortably utter those words to me. And if the first words out of your mouth are those words, then you have clearly demonstrated that you're not.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006


Twenty seven days until A. gets here, and I'm in my insatiable pain slut mood. Sorta like last November. Except then, of course, this happened.

My health is still precarious enough that it could happen again. In fact, I'm actually far more tired than I was last November (still spending most days in bed). So I'm trying not to get my hopes up like last time.

One thing is hopeful though. My pelvic pain is at its lowest level in a long, long time -- which is probably why my insatiable pain slut mood has kicked in. And what has been an instrumental part of that reduction of pain? Why, my vibrator of course.

Seriously. The gynecologist recommended it years ago when I was still a good Catholic girl. I was embarrassed to even think about a vibrator then. Now, of course, I own one. And when the uro-gynecologist suggested intravaginal stimulation to help relax the muscles that have been tensed up from two years of persistent urinary tract infections, it occurred to me that my vibrator might just do the trick. When I told my massage therapist about it, she got very serious and said that was a very good idea.

So, you know, just following doctor's orders.

My ass, however, is slightly sore. Before using my vibrator last night, I decided to test out our oak paddle on myself (self-spanking is a little secret of all long-distance relationships). By gawd if I didn't manage to bruise myself.


Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Spanking Art Wiki

There's a Spanking Art Wiki. I've only explored a little bit

Monday, May 08, 2006

No misspelled good deed will go unpunished

Well, it will be a month yet before I get punished for it but -- oh the horror! -- I misspelled "birthday" on the naughty birthday card I sent A. today. And he used to edit newspaper copy!


This is going to be bad.

Especially now that he's 40. And old and crochety.

Well, actually, he's always been crochety.

And he's a very crochety editor.

Which leaves me a bit weak in the knees, really -- in more ways than one. :)

A little tidying up

You'll notice a few changes to the left. An updated profile. A couple of new links. Re-arranged headings. And a list of the stories I've posted over the year and half or so of this blog (most of which I first posted to the soc.sexuality.spanking newsgroup a few years earlier).

Hope that adds to your viewing pleasure. :)

Sunday, May 07, 2006

"Someone is hitting my butt with something!"

A little quote from the Simpsons:

"Help! Someone is hitting my butt with something! It's a frying pan!" been there, done that.

Sexual submission

We've been having a thread over at soc.sexuality.spanking newsgroup about sexual submission and innate personality traits and someone asked me what I thought makes someone sexually submissive. So here's what I said.

What makes you submissive, or even into spanking (if you prefer it on that basis)?

What makes somebody gay? What makes someone a switch?

Sexuality is an enormously complex phenomena involving neurophysiological aspects, environmental factors, spirtuality -- you name it. Therefore I think it's impossible to state what one thing does it.

Environmentally I grew up in a family and went to schools where spanking was present. But I like spanking and my sister doesn't. What made me go one way and her the other?

My boyfriend claims his desire to dominate sexually has come from growing up with five older sisters. However, because he grew up having to be submissive to women he could have just as easily grown up to express his sexuality in a submissive way. What made him go one way instead of the other?

Now, I do think the way I grew up has flavored the way I express my sexuality. And as I've been reexamining a life that has been very influenced by the Church and the medical profession (due to chronic illness) I am also appreciating there are aspects I don't want to be apart of my sexuality.

For instance, my illness has involved a number of dietary restrictions (at the moment, sugar because of antibiotic-induced yeast infections). While a couple of my fellow bloggers at the Punishment Book have utilized their kink as a means of enforcing dietary restrictions, I know because I grew up as a fat girl who had food frequently withheld as punishment for being something I couldn't help, using the threat of spanking would be an extremely unhealthy thing to add to my relationship with my boyfriend. Food and my relationship to it and my body are something I have to work out on my own and any sort of spanking would just muck up the whole thing for me.

I would also go further and say that I am concerned about the way others who express their sexuality submissively utilize D/s. Like those who say they want a DD relationship with their husband so they'll stop fighting all the time or have stopped fighting after starting one. I feel like this is an unhealthy substitute for developing good interpersonal skills.

I can say that I, and some sexual submissives, can at times lack a certain connection to who they are and therefore exhibit a certain inability to set boundaries or make healthy choices (and I know some sexual dominants who have the EXACT same problem) and being submissive can seem easier because it lets someone else do the thinking for us. I DON'T believe D/s is a good way to deal with this problem. Only I can decide who I am. Only I can develop that sense of self that can provide the foundation for making healthy decisions about boundaries and behavior. Attempting to use D/s to provide that is an ineffective way to learn healthy coping and behavioral skills and can even get in the way of ever doing so.

Ultimately I'm sexually submissive because, well, it's a hell of a lot of fun. :)

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


Bolten: White House Must Regain Its 'Mojo' - Yahoo! News

Dude, is Josh Bolten reading my blog?

sparkle does and she's picked up my use of "mojo" too.

I'd feel trendy if it wasn't for the fact that I'm shamelessly plagerizing Mike Meyers.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Good spanking bloggers

I haven't been a very good spanking blogger lately. And I can't say that over the last couple of days I've even been in the mood to be spanked for it either.

CFIDS/ME along with an acute infection sucketh mightly.

I am happy to report, however, that some good spanko friends have started their own blog. Yup, Haron and Abel have started the Spanking Writers blog. And they are very good spanking bloggers. Update just about every day. Write witty, thoughtful posts. Lord knows they have had plenty of spanking writing practice as both are well-know spanking story writers. Haron is also, of course, a fellow blogger over at the Punishment Book.

I've also been remiss in failing to mention a blog I found a month or so ago and LOVED: Spanking Model Speaks. Adele Haze is, appropriately enough, a spanking model who talks about life on the other side of the camera -- among other things. She makes me laugh a lot and think a lot too. The best sort of mixture if you ask me.

Right, so there's a bit of reading for you as I return to communing with my pillows.

Oh, and A. bought his plane ticket today and will be here June 7th. Time for my little "my boyfriend's coming" countdown song.