Monday, December 27, 2004

Spanking Zen

It's been a slow blogging month due to a combination of factors: spending time with my boyfriend, illness (yeah, I was back in the ER with another UTI the very day we left for the Grand Canyon), traveling and the fatigue it brings even though it's been way fun, sharing computer time with my boyfriend, and, of course, Christmas and all the work that brings. Can you believe I didn't even get a switch in my stocking? Hmm...I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad...

Though, while a switch in the theoretical sense sounds exciting, on a practical level, it makes me tense up. My pain threshold is still quite low. After a spanking last week, I began to wonder if I used up all my endorphines in September with that kidney infection. Usually when I get spanked, the 6th or 8th stroke or so is the worse and I'll feel like I just can't bear another smack. But then the endorphines kick in and the spanking becomes more bearable. It still hurts a lot, but I know I can tolerate it to the end. However, when I get spanked now, I never seem to get over that hump. The endorphines never seem to come like they used to and every single smack feels absolutely unbearable, even though I know they are not nearly as hard as they usually are. It feels rather frustrating, though I suppose I'm just being impatient.

What feels really annoying is that even though it seems more painful and unbearable, I still don't cry. Granted, I'm not quite as stoic as I normally am. I do make a lot more noise (you know, a lot more "owees") and I squirm a bit more. A part of me wants to be spanked until I cry, but mostly the thought of that much pain terrifies me.

Yesterday's spanking was nice though. It was sorta spontaneous. We were cuddling on the bed and inevitably his hand was caressing my bottom. Then gently smacking it. Eventually I laid over his lap and he spanked me over my PJ bottoms. Then my bare bottom. With harder smacks. And this time, I tried not to tense up like I have been. To breathe deeply. To be aware of the sting. The thud of his hand reverberating in my cheeks. To remember the pleasure I usually feel to be over his lap. That mixture of happy, contented, well-spanked little girl and aroused, sexy, voluptuously-curved woman.

Call it my own form of spanking zen.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Grand Canyon Spanking

Grand Canyon at Lipan Point Posted by Hello

I feel so exhibitionist here, which is totally not me usually. But, it IS a cool pic. Unfortunately you can't see any marks from my spanking.

We just got back yesterday from a trip to the Grand Canyon. The weather was brilliant. During the day it was mild -- 50 degrees or so -- and cold at night so that the snow from the week before was still on the ground. But the roads were all clear and the sun was out and bright.

There were a lot of people at the main viewpoints but the smaller ones were almost deserted. "Right," my boyfriend said with a grin, "if nobody's at this next stop, you're getting spanked." As we got out of the car, a few other cars pulled in and I thought I was safe. But after a few pictures, they left and we were all alone. After taking a few more pics of our own and making sure everyone was truly gone, I bent over the rail. My coat was pulled up, my jeans and panties down. The sun was starting to set so the temperature was dropping. And in the chilly mountain air I got a good 20 or so stingy smacks on my cold backside. Ouch! ;)

And since we were taking pictures of everything else (255 pics altogether! God bless digital cameras and big old flashcards), we had to get a few pics of this.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Disorder in the Spanko Universe

Not to be outdone by political blogger wonkette, who had two BDSM related posts today, my boyfriend and I have also been doing some spanko related political analysis of our own. See, we figure that the reason the world is completely out of whack at the moment (er...pun probably intended) is that the Dom(me)/sub, Top/bottom, Spanker/Spankee -- whatever label you prefer -- order is also not right.

My boyfriend's theory is that the more public power one holds, the more likely one is to be spanked in the bedroom (please note for all those who take things way too seriously, this is a bit tongue and cheek and gross generalization). Hence, Ronald Reagan had Nancy, George H.W. had Barbara, Bill had Hillary, etc. However, I remember seeing a clip on the news a few years back (either during the 2000 election or just after, I think) where when Laura met George up on the stage for some event, he kissed her and smacked her on the bottom, suggesting that perhaps he's the spanker and she the spankee. But, alas, how could George be both the leader of the free world AND spanker in the bedroom? Clearly the cosmic order of the universe has been turned on its head!

Yet, George has gotta be hankering for someone to spank him. And considering the way he over does the whole macho thing, we think he's probably got latent homoerotic fantasies about Dick Cheney. Except, Dick is probably spanked by Lynn Cheney. So, maybe Lynn is spanking BOTH of them. Bending them both over the desk in the Oval Office, her crop in hand. That'd be appropriate for two cowboys. And who knows, maybe there's even a little strapon action. I mean, how rich would that be to know that the two fucking over the world are being fucked up the ass themselves? Though the only way that would give me the smallest amount of comfort would be if that were without lube...

And probably bent over next to them is Tony Blair. My boyfriend thinks that Tony and Cherie are both spankees, which is why British politics are so mad at the moment. But Cherie has her various gurus to go to. So, who the hell does Tony go to? Well, clearly the answer is America, as seen in current British-American relations. Yep, British troops are in Iraq all because Tony needs a good spanking (where IS Maggie Thatcher when you need her?? Though, actually she was clearly the spankee and Dennis the spanker).

Right. Enough spanko-political analysis for tonight. It's my birthday tomorrow and I got a big spanking day ahead of me. ;)

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Finding That Spot

So, I'm sitting on a very sore bottom as I type this post. Yes, my boyfriend arrived three days ago, and I've been spanked everyday since. What a meanie... ;)

Actually, he's really not. He's quite sweet, slowly breaking me back in. My pain threshold is the lowest it's ever been in the four and a half years since I started exploring my spanking kink and getting my backside spanked. Even hand spankings are enough to make me yelp and kick my legs a bit.

It's not like the pain I went through this summer/fall is the only time I've been in tremendous physical pain. Six years ago when I was on blood thinners to treat blood clots in my calf and lungs that developed after surgery on my knee and ankle, my knee started hemorraghing internally. The paramedics said that it looked like there was a soccer ball on my knee. Even though they were giving me morphine by IV every 20 minutes, it felt like someone had kicked my kneecap out of place and then with all of the nerves and ligaments still attached, jumped on top of it. And since I was post-operative, they couldn't drain it because I could have bled to death. So, they just wrapped it up really tight. They don't make narcotics yet that are strong enough for that kind of pain. It used to be when I heard stories about the IRA shooting out the kneecaps of people, I'd think "omg -- that's gotta be like, the worse pain ever." Now I just sorta shrug and think, "I could take it. Wouldn't be pleasant, but I'd manage."

September wasn't quite that bad, but it was bad enough and for a much longer period of time. When I think back to when my knee bled, I feel a mixture of anger (I was released from the hospital with the blood clots far too soon by some very condescending doctors and against what my nurse thought was wise) as well as a sick sort of pride. I survived. I know what real pain is like. I'm tough. But when I think about that horrible kidney pain of September, all I feel is trauma and helplessness. I didn't have to be in that much pain for so long, but nobody understood what was wrong. In this case, it wasn't negligence but my body not giving my doctors the right information.

And now it's like I'm still in this sort of post-traumatic stress, which is, as I've talked about in another post, a result of having Fibromyalgia where my "pain amplifier" is turned up too far. Which is why it's nice having my boyfriend here at last. To curl up with in bed. To stroke my hair. To kiss my head. To cuddle me in between stingy smacks that are lighter than normal as I find that spot where my spanko imagination and my traumatized physical sensation can meet.